I was both mentally and physically hard. Not only because of having to face the death but also having to deal with complicated relationships. It was tough. really. Still, I was so glad to see my relatives. Some used-to-be-kids became wonderful grown-ups and worked beautifully at the funeral. I was so amazed and impressed to see the three children, 33, 28, and 22 of my "brother" supported their mother and played important roles by helping each other. I could see how the family relationships was great by seeing them.
Now I'm short of sleep and feel muscle ache after the two days of running around to look for needed things from a shop to another, taking a person from this place to another, organizing things, people, trying to be calm, trying to be helpful, trying to be accessible, trying and trying.
I realize now that I had no time to feel sad because it was all of a sudden. Even when I saw my "brother"'s dead face I could not believe he was dead. His lips were shaped like he was smiling. He looked as if he started to speak any moment.
Then when I was among the 6 people who carried his casket, I felt the weight of the dead human body. Then when I saw his bones after being cremated, I finally realized he was dead and disappeared in this earth as an real-life figure, became a spirit.
I was told that he died when he was sleeping. He must not have had any pain. He was found dead in the morning by his daughter. Many of the relatives said it was a kind of an ideal way of passing away, no pain, no hospitalization. I agree with this perspectives except the family was not ready to say good bye to their loving father or husband. It'll take so much time for them to accept this.
I felt glad when his children told me that they were glad to see me again and glad to be able to build up our loving relationship from now on. They are really lovely. I love them a lot and I will love them as I loved my "brother".
After the hectic two days, I got home at midnight last night.
Today, I had two piano student and recorded a song with my piano accompaniment and singing voices by the students, their mother (used to be my voice student and currently an elementally school teacher) and Takao. This recording will be used as a karaoke for the mother's students at school. The singing time was lovely and healed my exhausted spirit.
Tomorrow will be Easter!
Happy holidays, everyone!
Good night from Osaka, Japan!
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