struggling

I've been struggling with my singing.

Last month, I had my first vocal lesson with my new teacher. Until the second lesson, I tried to do:

* before singing, each time, breathing slowly and deeply, store the breath at the bottom of my belly, and relax my jaw.

* try not to be aware of my throat or vocal cord, just to sing by the order of diaphragm

* when saying "ng" sound, relax my tongue and try not to change the pitch when moving into any vowels

* My "i" vowel tends to be tensed on the tip of my tongue. So feel the back of the tongue and relax

* Once starting to sing, no hesitation, just going on. Don't push but don't hesitate

* make some room in the back of my neck

* when going down the step, I should be relaxed because the vibration decreases when the note going down

* When the sound is good, I should feel the comfortable flexibility everywhere

* my "u" vowel is not enough "u". It's different from Japanese "u" sound. should be careful.


During the two weeks until the second lesson, I just tried to follow those things, and became to have several problems.... maybe not problems but awkwardness?

Many things are connected to my English pronunciation. I became aware of my pronunciation when I read a book out loud. "u" is not "u". "i" is always tensed. "ng" is wrong, too tensed on my tongue. When I try not to change the pitch when I read aloud, I felt a kind of more comfortable to pronounce English words. So I just kept doing it but I was not sure.....

Breathing. I try to breathe deeply every time I sing. Then I didn't know how to keep the breath efficiently, how to go on singing a long phrase, how to use my breath by the same amount little by little. After a while, I became to feel that my chest becomes hard in the end of the phrase and I couldn't fix it.


+++++++++++++++++

The second lesson came this Wednesday.
This time, my teacher suggested the following points.

* F# is my unstable point. especially when I go between F# and A#, it really difficult to move naturally. When F# is fine, then A# becomes flat. when A# goes well, F# becomes sharp. I feel it, I understand what she said.. but it was really difficult to fix it. I felt so sad that I couldn't respond her instruction....

* Especially on A# or some other certain points, my voice get stuck! My teacher said, "You voice is stuck!" I knooooooooow!!! But I can't fix it!!! Help me!!! She tried to help me with many ways. But I think I couldn't respond to her instruction well. I hope I would be better next time.

* Support. When I vibrate my lips and sing a certain movement, my teacher said I can support my breath well. So after the lesson, I practiced the lips vibration. I felt the bottom of my belly became hard when I vibrate my lips. Then I try to sing by vowels, or by some phrases, making the same condition. After a while, I felt my entire body became tensed somehow, not flexible.... I know I should be relaxed, but I can't do it!

* I became flat in every end of the phrase. My voice tremble in every end of the phrase. I knooooow. But I can't fix it!!!! One of the reasons is tension of my tongue. The sound should go beyond my tongue, not under my tongue, especially when singing "e" vowel, my tongue becomes tensed. I found later that "u" and "o" also goes tensed...... almost all vowels!!!


Now....
I have to be aware of so many things. I want to sing naturally and relaxed, I know. But when I think of this and that and these and those and..... I become so tensed. I believe it would be the way to the progress. Now I feel I'm in a dark tunnel. I'm not flexible now. I am so awkward. I feel as if I am a kindergarten student, or even a baby, not knowing how to breathe, how to speak, or how to walk!


I know every teacher has their own method. I love my current teacher's music and I decided to learn from her. I have only 6 month being here. I don't know how much I can learn from her. But I believe I can learn something from her and improve my singing. I want to believe it.

But to be honest, I am not confident now...... I feel I'm not good..... I really hope things will be better with me! I'll try my best.