Happy holidays!

December is called "Shiwasu" in Japan. It means even Buddhist priests, who usually are calm and never rush, would run to make end of the year prayers and blessings to every family. Indeed, time flies in December.

I had two vocal lessons this month. I thought I improved a lot and was so glad after the second lesson. My teacher said, "Naoko, finally, I hear your true "A" vowel!" I was really happy to hear that!

I started to feel the good vibration in my voice when it goes well. I try to feel a sweet spot on each note and each vowel, sometimes it goes well and I need to spend less energy to sing. After the lesson, I tried to do it again but I couldn't do it well! Even today, I practiced singing but could do it well....... depressing!!! Life is not easy. Learning something is not easy. Mastering something is always hard!!



I had several jolly events this month!


On Christmas Eve, I attended two church services, one in my church where I sang among the choir, and another in Manhattan where my vocal teacher sang among the choir. I was not feeling well, couldn't sing well, was not happy..... However, God gave me a gift. In the end of both services, I received kind comments. At my church, a young couple before me looked back to me and said, "It was very nice having you behind us, thank you for your lovely singing!" At another church, an elderly couple before me said to me, "You have such a lovely voice! God bless you!" Wow! Although I was not in good condition, I believe I improved so I received those kind comments! Thank you very much for the Christmas gift!

At my church Christmas Eve service, the most impressive scene was the moment of "Lighting of Candles for Candles" We sang John Lennon's "Imagine" altogether. I knew this song and had loved it since I heard it first time. But it was different. This song sounded so new. Still new to me. And it was sad somehow to feel that this song was new. I imagine, when John compose this song, he wished this song would not be new any more when people sang it in 21st century. There would be no war, no conflict over religion, no poverty, no greed, no sad evens between people or countries. It was sad that this song sounded still new.


What's more, I joined a Messiah singing in event. It was great fun singing with singers I had never met before! When I sang this piece for the first time, maybe over 15 years ago, my English ability was at a beginner level. This time as I was singing it, the meaning of each word came into my heart and I was impressed both with the music and the words. It was a great experience!

On 23rd, I was invited to carol singing party at my vocal teacher's place. We sang lots of carol songs altogether. They sounded really great. I met wonderful people there. I enjoyed both talking with them and singing with them!

On 25th, I was invited to a Christmas dinner by one of the Friday night members. We had dinner at a dinner in Chelsea, Manhattan, and went to her apartment afterward. Again, I met lovely new people there and very much enjoyed talking with them!


Then..... last Sunday, it was a big day. I subbed my church organist that day. I never expected I could play the beautiful organ and the piano at my loved church in Park Slope, Brooklyn. I went to the sanctuary almost every day last week to practice. All people were very supportive to me. They came to me before the service saying, "you'll be fantastic!" "If you need any help, just wave to me, I'll be here anytime!" "Do you need any help?" ..... And after the service, people came to me again with their kind comments!


It's Monday today. I feel really relieved, finishing most of this months events. Lisa was back from her friend last night. I went to the airport to pick her up. I was really glad when I saw her at the baggage claim. We had a good time together today with her friend, Jackie. Walking on the street, found free books, went to the drug store, where I bought vitamin C and Melatonin to stay well.


There is one more event tomorrow. The Bible Study at my nursing home. I couldn't be there last week because of sickness and the organ practice. I'm glad to see my loved residents in the end of the year.

I might write more within this year but.....

Happy holidays to everyone.
I wish all of you a happy new year!!

When you die.....

After the chapel service yesterday, I visited several residents. Mr. D is rather younger compare to other residents, in his fifties. He is in a wheel chair. He can't walk by himself. He's been trying the physical therapy several times a week since he came here. He almost always stays in his room, watching television quietly. He has also difficulty in his speech. He can only speak slowly, but actually which helps me. When I talk to him, I don't have to rush because he speaks slowly so I can' speak slowly, too. I feel relieved when I talk to him.

Yesterday, our conversation went like this:

Me: I'm going home soon, so came here to say hello to you!

Mr. D: You mean you are going back to Japan?

Me: No, no! I'm going back to Japan next April. I mean I'm going home to Manhattan now. I have four more months being here so I'll still be around for a while, Mr. D.

Mr. D: You come back?

Me: Oh, I have no idea. I wish I could come back but I'm not sure, you know, the economy is not so good in my country,too. Maybe I would try to save some money and come back or maybe not... If my husband agree with me.

Mr. D: You should!

Me: Oh, you think I should? So maybe I should!
My husband is coming in the beginning of April. I think I'll bring him here to introduce him to you all because people here are important to me. I hope you... no, you know, I have a mixed feeling about it. I know you really want to go home so I hope you'll be at home until then, which means you won't be here..... but if you are still here, I want you to meet my husband.

Mr. D: I ...... will be here.

Me: You sure?

Mr. D: Yes, because I can't walk so I can't go home. I'll be here.

Me: Well... I'm glad if you are here and meet my husband then. I'm glad for me but I'm sad for you if you can't go home soon. Mr. D, do you want to go back to your country, Jamaica?

Mr. D: Oh yeah!!! (He literally shouted, it's rare for him to make a loud voice!)

Me: Really?

Mr. D: But I won't go back to my country any more. I can't walk.

Me: But you might be able to even visit your country some day, even for a short time.

Mr. D: No. I'm in a wheel chair. I can't be there. If you are in a wheel chair, can't walk, you can't be there, in my country, no.

Me: Oh, Mr. D, I'm sorry for you (suddenly tears comes to my eyes). It's so sad. I'm sad for you. You want to go back to your country badly but you know you won't.

Mr. D: I accept it. I don't want to accept it but I have to accept it. But I'll never give up. I'll do the therapy and try and try. I won't give up.

Me: I like your attitude, D. Your positive attitude. And your broad mind. As I look at you, I think, then, maybe, I shouldn't give up anything I want to do either, right?

Mr. D: No, you shouldn't. Never give up. You shouldn't.

Me: No, never! Until we die, right?

Mr. D: When you die.... you are forgiven. (His words reached to the bottom of my heart . I was moved)

Me: Yes, when we die, we are forgiven. But until we die we should never give up. Thank you, D, I got energized by you. I'll see you next week!




We shouldn't give up anything until we die. Then when we die, we are forgiven. Thank you, Mr. D.

you never know if you have tomorrow

I talked to a resident on Monday. He is over-weighted and can't go out by himself. He's been leading an inconvenient life himself. But he doesn't complain and very positive always. I like him. I often visit him when I feel down.

After the summer music workshop, I visited him and talked about my language problem I had at the workshop. He advised me to bring a recorder next time and record the conversation, then listen to it afterward. His advice is always practical and I can be positive after talking with him. I remember he was hoping to go home before summer to have a barbecue party with his friends. It never happened but he doesn't complain.


On Monday, I visited him for the first time in quite a long time. He was hospitalized for a while to have a test, and I was away for the thanksgiving or concerts....

He asked me how I was doing. I told him what I'd done since I met him last time, joining the choirs, appearing in concerts, starting vocal lessons, attending a choral conducting class and so on. He seemed so glad to hear my story.

Then he said, "you never know if you have tomorrow. Nobody knows. No matter how you are old or young. So you should do what you want to do. You shouldn't have any regret like you could have done this or that. I'm glad you are leading a good life." like that.

Yes, he is right. We never know if we have tomorrow. Tomorrow might not come to you. It reminded me of the words my another friend gave me before. "enjoy each blessing one day at a time, aware that it may be gone tomorrow."

Then I realized I've been having such fruitful days since I came here. I won't have any regret because I'm doing what I want to do.




I had my music class for the fifth time on Monday. We enjoyed singing "Silent night" and "Jingle Bells" I didn't know "Jingle Bells" was originally written for the Thanksgiving day then people liked it and was changed to a Christmas song. We borrowed various kinds of instruments from the Adult Day Health Care Center and played it as we were singing. I asked people what they like about winter or Christmas. They answered like "seeking kids delighted with the gifts", "seeing beautiful Christmas tree", "snow", "don't like winter because it's cold!" (a person from Trinidad).... We had a great time together!

I have one more music class next Monday. Which Christmas song? There are many! I have to think about it.



I'm moving to Brooklyn this coming Saturday. I started to pack things on Tuesday and realized I have lots more things than I thought! Lots of music, lots of cloths or shoes I bought at the goodwill shop or salvation army shop or I was given by my friends!

My days after the concerts

Actually I got a bad nose cold and took a day off today. I stayed home all day and was preparing for the final exam of the choral conducting class slowly.... and got stuck! Now, to change my mood, I want to write about my days after the concerts.



There was a sad thing about the concert. I didn't want to write about it because it was so sad....

My piano student at the nursing home was supposed to come to the Columbia concert. I was hoping to invite her for a long time and when I knew it was likely to happen, I was so delighted and was very much looking forward to it.

I asked the conductor about the accessibility for the wheelchair people and she inquired to the security about it and told me how to do.

On the concert day, I did as I was told to do so. I asked both the security at the gate and the university office's to help her to get in and also asked the church worker to take care of her.

I was looking for her all the time during the concert in the audience but couldn't find her. I was really disappointed and at the same time was worried about her, was wondering what had happened to her.....

Later I knew what had happened.

She called the Access-A-Ride to come to the entrance that evening at 6:30. They came, but at the different entrance from the one she told them to come. Then she missed her ride. It's really simple....!! But I couldn't believe it had happened. I decided to try to forget about it because I knew she must feel sadder than I do.


This Tuesday, I saw her at the Bible study for the first time since the concert. I hugged her from her back. She told me that she tried not to cry but just started to cry and couldn't stop. I told her that I will have more concerts next year so we could make it next time. I must invite her again for one of the next year's concerts.


It was a really heart breaking event for me. But such things happen often. So I should not be discouraged as she would tell me so everytime I get down.



By the way, as for the Thanksgiving holidays, I had a great time at Lisa's sister's place. in Philadelphia. More than 10 people got together cooked meal together, of course including a big turkey, said a grace one after another before meal as we handed in hand each other, enjoyed playing with the lovely kids. Especially, I taught some Japanese expressions to one of the kids. She was really excellent! She could copy my writing of any kind of Japanese characters, including Kanji, Katakana, Hiragana. I really enjoyed spending time there. It was my first Thanksgiving in my life. I think I gained some weight from it because I ate incredibly too much! I couldn't move at all when we finished the dinner! I think so did everybody there!




I enjoyed the conversation with Lisa on our way to and from there in the car. There were just two of us. Lisa was not busy except driving. We had to sit down at the same place all the time. It was good. I felt no hurry and could talk with peace.



After coming back home, I had several rehearsals for the small concert this coming Saturday. I'm singing a trio and a quintet with Friday night group people. I love everyone of them so I feel very happy to sing with them! But now..... I got a bad cold!! I canceled today's schedule, a hymn singing recording in the morning, a chapel service piano playing in the afternoon, the C4 rehearsal for the first time since the last concert. I wanted to be all places today... but just gave up. I thought the most important thing for me would be having a rest. I feel so sorry... but I believe it was a right decision.


I hope I'll be OK by Saturday and want to enjoy singing with everyone.

After the small concert, I will have the final exam for the choral conducting class. This will be very very challenging. I've been reading a music theory book since last Saturday. Rita lent me the book. It is filled with lots of things I wanted to know, chord progression rule, Roman numeric triad names, and so on. Richard lent me a big keyboard yesterday. I have only a mini keyboard which can only sound two notes at a time. Richard's keyboard can sound many notes at a time so I can confirm the assignment's choral sound with it. When I was stuck with the English expression in the questions, Lisa and Jonathan helped me to get the meaning. Now I have more questions about the meaning of the lyric. It's related to the Bible so I can ask it, maybe to Ieva? I'm so happy to be surrounded by people who are always willing to help me! I can't do anything without their help.


After the exam on Monday, I'll have my next music class at the Home. We are singing Jingle Bells, should be fun!

Then.... I have to prepare for my move, which will be the following Saturday, 13th. I don't know how much more stuff I have than I moved here in May. I got more cloths which I bought at the Salvation Army or the Goodwill shops, more books, more music, more shoes, bot not furniture.... so should be easy!

OK, now I have to get back to the exam stuff. I should enjoy it. I don't have to do it because I don't have to get the credit by it. The teacher is so kind that she gave me a chance to try it. I really appreciate her kindness. Anything I'm learning new will be my benefit for my life. I should do my best and if I can't do it well, that's OK, right? Yes!


It's already December, now. I can't believe it. Time goes by soooooo fast, which might mean I'm spending a fruitful life here, but I feel so sad when I realize that time's passing by because it means my days being here is falling away.


Since the Thanksgiving, I've seen a lot of Christmas trees on the street, heard every kind of Christmas carols from the radio, Christmas is coming!