music in the chapel service and a piano lesson afterward

I went to the nursing home for the first time since new year. The current pastor was not there so she asked Ieva to sub her. Ieva asked me to help her. I thought it would be a good opportunity for me to see the residents again.


Since I stopped going there, The residents' faces appeared in my mind and would greet to me. I often felt guilty stopping going there without any notice to them. Or I simply doubt my decision to stop doing it was right or wrong..... My mind was wandering around since then even though I feel happy with my new life involved a lot in music.

I went to Ieva's place and we took the subway together. As we were heading to the Home, I felt odd. I felt the Home so far away, not in terms of distance, but in terms of my mind-set. I felt the Home a different place. And at the same time, it was exactly the same. And I felt even at home somehow.

People greeted me. Some told me they had missed me, saying they would love to have me again, including my music class.

The chapel service was lovely. Ieva asked each resident what they had in their mind to say to God. Some sang, others prayed, or said something. All of the words were impressive, yet I didn't become emotional until I saw my piano student. I know She had missed me a lot. I felt especially guilty for her. But I tried not to be upset. I tried to concentrate on the music.

I played the "Precious Lord" for the first Hymn, which is my favorite among the songbook. Ms. Paul sang beautifully in French, Ms. Robert sang spiritually... Mr. Johnson prayed energetically as always, Mr. Thurmond talked about his childhood memory enthusiastically. And Mr. Harris, who loves music especially the piano playing, talked to me all the time during the service, "Play the piano, she wants to sing, play the piano with her! I haven't seen you for a long time. Where were you? Where were you for such a long time. You should play the piano!"

I loved all the people there. I realized how much I loved them. Then I thought, even so, I cannot go back there as a regular volunteer. I cannot tell why. Just I thought so.

I decided to think of this, God gave me a time for prepare for our parting. Before coming here, I was not sure whether I could build a good relationship with them, or whether they would accept me. After a while I started to work there, I already began to feel I would miss them terribly after saying good bye. I was imagining how hard it would be when my going back to Japan, the time to say good bye to them. Now, I am in NY and don't have to say good bye to them. I can visit them anytime I want, and also I reduced my visit so that I can have a slight distance from them...... I can think of it sadly but also positively.


After the service, I talked my deep thoughts only to my piano student. She said, "thank you for sharing, Naoko. This is helpful to me. I'll pray for you. You can visit me anytime, I'll be glad with it!" After chatting, we had a piano lesson. It was a glovely time.


I think there would be a chance or several times for me to do the same role. I look forward to seeing them next time!

Taking a cab in NYC

On Wednesday, I was told to escort a woman, who is an adviser for the office, to her assisted living place. After work, we took a cab and got in together. It was my first experience to get in the cab in NYC for this stay. I didn't know I had to shut the door. In Japan, you don't have to do it. The door will be open and close automatically by the driver. It was a van type cab. The driver told me to push down the red button and shut it. I tried but it was not good enough. The driver said, "Do it strongly! Slam the door!" Oh I can slam the door! Usually it's considered to be rude to slam the door. I did it strongly then it was shut eventually. The driver said, smiling, "Good job!"

Then when we got off, I had use a credit card to pay the fare. There was a machine. The driver told me how to use it. I swipe the card, then failed, did it again, it was successful! Then I have to decide how many percent of tip to give him, I asked the adviser lady to decide, she pushed 25 %, then the receipt finally came out!

I said to the driver, "It took time for you to teach me, I'm sorry." He said, "No, no, sometime it'd take much more time for others to understand it. Or sometime, the machine doesn't work well at all, it's really annoying, but you are very good!" I was glad to be told that!


There are lots of things I don't know in NYC!

sacred time

I love my vocal lessons a lot.
When I started it, it was really hard to follow my teacher's instructions.
I struggled and wandered every now and then.
I became desperate sometimes.
One day, I noticed how much I improved by listening to the past lesson's recordings.

When I realized I started to feel our lesson as a sacred time.
I don't know since when...
Maybe after having a hard time in my life here and was seeing for some hope, or maybe not because of it.
I feel so happy that I can learn so many things from her, or during the time learning music with her.
When I'm in the lesson, I feel as if I was in a different world, where everything is pure and beautiful.

Preparation for each lesson is not so easy.
Required a lot of work.
Sometimes even if I put a lot of effort, I fail to be better.
My direction for being better would be wrong....
But I believe it's better than doing nothing.
I don't want to be afraid of making mistakes.
It's worth doing it.

My teacher keeps encouraging me.
She understands how much I work hard.
She never gives up to make the music improve in any ways.
She herself doesn't spare any effort for making her music better.
Most of all, she loves music a lot.

I like her way very much.
I'm very fortunate to have her as my teacher, or I should say as my mentor.

I thank God to let us meet.
I have been given so many gifts from God.
I am so fortunate.

I want to share my fortunes to everybody I'll be meeting for the rest of my life.
So that I can remember my fortunes forever.
I am so fortunate.

counting

I count the remaining days being here.
Sometimes I even cannot sleep well when I think of it.
What I can do for the rest of the days?
What am I going to do after going back to Japan?
As the time comes near, I think of how I can make the transition, both mentally and practically.
It is very destractive.
I want to be stable but I cannot be stable about it.

Yes, I can see my loved people again who are waiting for me.
My husband, my family, my friends, the member of my choir, and my kitties.
It's really exciting.
Yes, should be exciting.


Then I imagine how much I would miss my precious friends I've been establishing a rapport here.

I should not count it any more.
I should enjoy the each blessing time without thinking of how many more times I can have it.
I should think of how wonderful it would be that I can share all of my joyful experiences with my precious people in Japan when I go back there.
It should be exciting.
Yes, it should be.

having a break

After talking to my friends, thinking about it a lot, I decided not to go there for a while. I called them that I cannot be there for a while because of my private matter, yes, this is my private matter, nobody's fault.

Now, I feel much better. I'll do something else. Maybe focus on music for a while. Then when I have free time and when I feel like seeing the residents, I can visit them as a friend of them. Not a bad idea, I think.


So don't worry about me, my friend!


It's snowing today, I should keep warm, and have fun!
Have a nice weekend, everyone!