Happy holidays!

December is called "Shiwasu" in Japan. It means even Buddhist priests, who usually are calm and never rush, would run to make end of the year prayers and blessings to every family. Indeed, time flies in December.

I had two vocal lessons this month. I thought I improved a lot and was so glad after the second lesson. My teacher said, "Naoko, finally, I hear your true "A" vowel!" I was really happy to hear that!

I started to feel the good vibration in my voice when it goes well. I try to feel a sweet spot on each note and each vowel, sometimes it goes well and I need to spend less energy to sing. After the lesson, I tried to do it again but I couldn't do it well! Even today, I practiced singing but could do it well....... depressing!!! Life is not easy. Learning something is not easy. Mastering something is always hard!!



I had several jolly events this month!


On Christmas Eve, I attended two church services, one in my church where I sang among the choir, and another in Manhattan where my vocal teacher sang among the choir. I was not feeling well, couldn't sing well, was not happy..... However, God gave me a gift. In the end of both services, I received kind comments. At my church, a young couple before me looked back to me and said, "It was very nice having you behind us, thank you for your lovely singing!" At another church, an elderly couple before me said to me, "You have such a lovely voice! God bless you!" Wow! Although I was not in good condition, I believe I improved so I received those kind comments! Thank you very much for the Christmas gift!

At my church Christmas Eve service, the most impressive scene was the moment of "Lighting of Candles for Candles" We sang John Lennon's "Imagine" altogether. I knew this song and had loved it since I heard it first time. But it was different. This song sounded so new. Still new to me. And it was sad somehow to feel that this song was new. I imagine, when John compose this song, he wished this song would not be new any more when people sang it in 21st century. There would be no war, no conflict over religion, no poverty, no greed, no sad evens between people or countries. It was sad that this song sounded still new.


What's more, I joined a Messiah singing in event. It was great fun singing with singers I had never met before! When I sang this piece for the first time, maybe over 15 years ago, my English ability was at a beginner level. This time as I was singing it, the meaning of each word came into my heart and I was impressed both with the music and the words. It was a great experience!

On 23rd, I was invited to carol singing party at my vocal teacher's place. We sang lots of carol songs altogether. They sounded really great. I met wonderful people there. I enjoyed both talking with them and singing with them!

On 25th, I was invited to a Christmas dinner by one of the Friday night members. We had dinner at a dinner in Chelsea, Manhattan, and went to her apartment afterward. Again, I met lovely new people there and very much enjoyed talking with them!


Then..... last Sunday, it was a big day. I subbed my church organist that day. I never expected I could play the beautiful organ and the piano at my loved church in Park Slope, Brooklyn. I went to the sanctuary almost every day last week to practice. All people were very supportive to me. They came to me before the service saying, "you'll be fantastic!" "If you need any help, just wave to me, I'll be here anytime!" "Do you need any help?" ..... And after the service, people came to me again with their kind comments!


It's Monday today. I feel really relieved, finishing most of this months events. Lisa was back from her friend last night. I went to the airport to pick her up. I was really glad when I saw her at the baggage claim. We had a good time together today with her friend, Jackie. Walking on the street, found free books, went to the drug store, where I bought vitamin C and Melatonin to stay well.


There is one more event tomorrow. The Bible Study at my nursing home. I couldn't be there last week because of sickness and the organ practice. I'm glad to see my loved residents in the end of the year.

I might write more within this year but.....

Happy holidays to everyone.
I wish all of you a happy new year!!

When you die.....

After the chapel service yesterday, I visited several residents. Mr. D is rather younger compare to other residents, in his fifties. He is in a wheel chair. He can't walk by himself. He's been trying the physical therapy several times a week since he came here. He almost always stays in his room, watching television quietly. He has also difficulty in his speech. He can only speak slowly, but actually which helps me. When I talk to him, I don't have to rush because he speaks slowly so I can' speak slowly, too. I feel relieved when I talk to him.

Yesterday, our conversation went like this:

Me: I'm going home soon, so came here to say hello to you!

Mr. D: You mean you are going back to Japan?

Me: No, no! I'm going back to Japan next April. I mean I'm going home to Manhattan now. I have four more months being here so I'll still be around for a while, Mr. D.

Mr. D: You come back?

Me: Oh, I have no idea. I wish I could come back but I'm not sure, you know, the economy is not so good in my country,too. Maybe I would try to save some money and come back or maybe not... If my husband agree with me.

Mr. D: You should!

Me: Oh, you think I should? So maybe I should!
My husband is coming in the beginning of April. I think I'll bring him here to introduce him to you all because people here are important to me. I hope you... no, you know, I have a mixed feeling about it. I know you really want to go home so I hope you'll be at home until then, which means you won't be here..... but if you are still here, I want you to meet my husband.

Mr. D: I ...... will be here.

Me: You sure?

Mr. D: Yes, because I can't walk so I can't go home. I'll be here.

Me: Well... I'm glad if you are here and meet my husband then. I'm glad for me but I'm sad for you if you can't go home soon. Mr. D, do you want to go back to your country, Jamaica?

Mr. D: Oh yeah!!! (He literally shouted, it's rare for him to make a loud voice!)

Me: Really?

Mr. D: But I won't go back to my country any more. I can't walk.

Me: But you might be able to even visit your country some day, even for a short time.

Mr. D: No. I'm in a wheel chair. I can't be there. If you are in a wheel chair, can't walk, you can't be there, in my country, no.

Me: Oh, Mr. D, I'm sorry for you (suddenly tears comes to my eyes). It's so sad. I'm sad for you. You want to go back to your country badly but you know you won't.

Mr. D: I accept it. I don't want to accept it but I have to accept it. But I'll never give up. I'll do the therapy and try and try. I won't give up.

Me: I like your attitude, D. Your positive attitude. And your broad mind. As I look at you, I think, then, maybe, I shouldn't give up anything I want to do either, right?

Mr. D: No, you shouldn't. Never give up. You shouldn't.

Me: No, never! Until we die, right?

Mr. D: When you die.... you are forgiven. (His words reached to the bottom of my heart . I was moved)

Me: Yes, when we die, we are forgiven. But until we die we should never give up. Thank you, D, I got energized by you. I'll see you next week!




We shouldn't give up anything until we die. Then when we die, we are forgiven. Thank you, Mr. D.

you never know if you have tomorrow

I talked to a resident on Monday. He is over-weighted and can't go out by himself. He's been leading an inconvenient life himself. But he doesn't complain and very positive always. I like him. I often visit him when I feel down.

After the summer music workshop, I visited him and talked about my language problem I had at the workshop. He advised me to bring a recorder next time and record the conversation, then listen to it afterward. His advice is always practical and I can be positive after talking with him. I remember he was hoping to go home before summer to have a barbecue party with his friends. It never happened but he doesn't complain.


On Monday, I visited him for the first time in quite a long time. He was hospitalized for a while to have a test, and I was away for the thanksgiving or concerts....

He asked me how I was doing. I told him what I'd done since I met him last time, joining the choirs, appearing in concerts, starting vocal lessons, attending a choral conducting class and so on. He seemed so glad to hear my story.

Then he said, "you never know if you have tomorrow. Nobody knows. No matter how you are old or young. So you should do what you want to do. You shouldn't have any regret like you could have done this or that. I'm glad you are leading a good life." like that.

Yes, he is right. We never know if we have tomorrow. Tomorrow might not come to you. It reminded me of the words my another friend gave me before. "enjoy each blessing one day at a time, aware that it may be gone tomorrow."

Then I realized I've been having such fruitful days since I came here. I won't have any regret because I'm doing what I want to do.




I had my music class for the fifth time on Monday. We enjoyed singing "Silent night" and "Jingle Bells" I didn't know "Jingle Bells" was originally written for the Thanksgiving day then people liked it and was changed to a Christmas song. We borrowed various kinds of instruments from the Adult Day Health Care Center and played it as we were singing. I asked people what they like about winter or Christmas. They answered like "seeking kids delighted with the gifts", "seeing beautiful Christmas tree", "snow", "don't like winter because it's cold!" (a person from Trinidad).... We had a great time together!

I have one more music class next Monday. Which Christmas song? There are many! I have to think about it.



I'm moving to Brooklyn this coming Saturday. I started to pack things on Tuesday and realized I have lots more things than I thought! Lots of music, lots of cloths or shoes I bought at the goodwill shop or salvation army shop or I was given by my friends!

My days after the concerts

Actually I got a bad nose cold and took a day off today. I stayed home all day and was preparing for the final exam of the choral conducting class slowly.... and got stuck! Now, to change my mood, I want to write about my days after the concerts.



There was a sad thing about the concert. I didn't want to write about it because it was so sad....

My piano student at the nursing home was supposed to come to the Columbia concert. I was hoping to invite her for a long time and when I knew it was likely to happen, I was so delighted and was very much looking forward to it.

I asked the conductor about the accessibility for the wheelchair people and she inquired to the security about it and told me how to do.

On the concert day, I did as I was told to do so. I asked both the security at the gate and the university office's to help her to get in and also asked the church worker to take care of her.

I was looking for her all the time during the concert in the audience but couldn't find her. I was really disappointed and at the same time was worried about her, was wondering what had happened to her.....

Later I knew what had happened.

She called the Access-A-Ride to come to the entrance that evening at 6:30. They came, but at the different entrance from the one she told them to come. Then she missed her ride. It's really simple....!! But I couldn't believe it had happened. I decided to try to forget about it because I knew she must feel sadder than I do.


This Tuesday, I saw her at the Bible study for the first time since the concert. I hugged her from her back. She told me that she tried not to cry but just started to cry and couldn't stop. I told her that I will have more concerts next year so we could make it next time. I must invite her again for one of the next year's concerts.


It was a really heart breaking event for me. But such things happen often. So I should not be discouraged as she would tell me so everytime I get down.



By the way, as for the Thanksgiving holidays, I had a great time at Lisa's sister's place. in Philadelphia. More than 10 people got together cooked meal together, of course including a big turkey, said a grace one after another before meal as we handed in hand each other, enjoyed playing with the lovely kids. Especially, I taught some Japanese expressions to one of the kids. She was really excellent! She could copy my writing of any kind of Japanese characters, including Kanji, Katakana, Hiragana. I really enjoyed spending time there. It was my first Thanksgiving in my life. I think I gained some weight from it because I ate incredibly too much! I couldn't move at all when we finished the dinner! I think so did everybody there!




I enjoyed the conversation with Lisa on our way to and from there in the car. There were just two of us. Lisa was not busy except driving. We had to sit down at the same place all the time. It was good. I felt no hurry and could talk with peace.



After coming back home, I had several rehearsals for the small concert this coming Saturday. I'm singing a trio and a quintet with Friday night group people. I love everyone of them so I feel very happy to sing with them! But now..... I got a bad cold!! I canceled today's schedule, a hymn singing recording in the morning, a chapel service piano playing in the afternoon, the C4 rehearsal for the first time since the last concert. I wanted to be all places today... but just gave up. I thought the most important thing for me would be having a rest. I feel so sorry... but I believe it was a right decision.


I hope I'll be OK by Saturday and want to enjoy singing with everyone.

After the small concert, I will have the final exam for the choral conducting class. This will be very very challenging. I've been reading a music theory book since last Saturday. Rita lent me the book. It is filled with lots of things I wanted to know, chord progression rule, Roman numeric triad names, and so on. Richard lent me a big keyboard yesterday. I have only a mini keyboard which can only sound two notes at a time. Richard's keyboard can sound many notes at a time so I can confirm the assignment's choral sound with it. When I was stuck with the English expression in the questions, Lisa and Jonathan helped me to get the meaning. Now I have more questions about the meaning of the lyric. It's related to the Bible so I can ask it, maybe to Ieva? I'm so happy to be surrounded by people who are always willing to help me! I can't do anything without their help.


After the exam on Monday, I'll have my next music class at the Home. We are singing Jingle Bells, should be fun!

Then.... I have to prepare for my move, which will be the following Saturday, 13th. I don't know how much more stuff I have than I moved here in May. I got more cloths which I bought at the Salvation Army or the Goodwill shops, more books, more music, more shoes, bot not furniture.... so should be easy!

OK, now I have to get back to the exam stuff. I should enjoy it. I don't have to do it because I don't have to get the credit by it. The teacher is so kind that she gave me a chance to try it. I really appreciate her kindness. Anything I'm learning new will be my benefit for my life. I should do my best and if I can't do it well, that's OK, right? Yes!


It's already December, now. I can't believe it. Time goes by soooooo fast, which might mean I'm spending a fruitful life here, but I feel so sad when I realize that time's passing by because it means my days being here is falling away.


Since the Thanksgiving, I've seen a lot of Christmas trees on the street, heard every kind of Christmas carols from the radio, Christmas is coming!

Two concerts finished!

The C4 concert went beautifully. It was not perfect, of course. But I enjoyed the time a lot. When I started to join the choir, I just thought I never could have done that. All people were better than me.... and...... But as I continue to join them, I got more comfortable being there, singing with them, because people are nice and caring all the time. I often got lost during the rehearsal where to start or what the conductor said. They helped me a lot. And I could be there in the concert. Ten of my friends came over to listen to us despite the extremely cold weather!!

The next concert will be in February. I look forward to meet new pieces next month and tackling with them with my loved colleagues!!!



Another concert was held at St. Paul Chapel, Columbia University, last night. It was a lovely place to perform. We had a very warm audience. I think our performance went very well, I should say the performance we had ever made!!


The program was all Heinlich schutz. I didn't know the composer when we started our rehearsal in September. OK, I will tell you from the start. I met Ray at the Smith workshop this summer. After a while he got in touch with me and encouraged me to join the choir. This choir is run by the university so the members consist of mostly the students, undergraduates and graduates. Only 4-5 among 26 singers are from outside. I had an audition at the beginning of September. I met the conductor, Amber, for the first time and loved her right away. I was told I was accepted as a member on the spot. I was delighted to hear it.


We had rehearsals two times a week, Mondays and Wednesdays. I thought it would be too much, but it actually wasn't. The pieces were tough and we needed a certain amount of time to get used it. I didn't know anyone except Ray at first. As I spent more time there, I got to know more people and people knew me also.

At the concert yesterday, as I was singing, I felt like they, especially my alto colleagues, were like my daughters or younger sisters. We hugged them before the performance and after that. One of the singers told me that I made them together. What a wonderful comment she gave me! I love choral singing. We have to be united as a choir, so not only we need musical skills but also we need communication skills and need to care what other people are doing. We are not alone. We are together. I love that kind of feeling.

Sometimes, being with somebody makes you tired, I have to admit. However, when you spend too much time being alone, you would definitely feel you miss warm and close relationship with somebody. As I live here by myself, singing among two choirs and meeting same people regularly makes me feel at home somehow.


Many of the singers invited their family there. I had no family to invite here. But I was delighted to see the faces of my precious friends in the audience. Seven people from the Friday night singing group were there, Lisa and Jonathan were there, my neighbor was there.....!!! I felt as if they were my family. I didn't feel lonely. I just thanked them again and again in my mind. I'm so lucky to have those wonderful people around me here and there.


I have many places where I feel at home, at my nursing home, at church, at Friday night group, at choirs' rehearsals, and one more place would be my closest friend, Lisa's place! Now I'm at her place and using her computer! We are driving all the way to Philadelphia tomorrow morning to visit her sister. Now Lisa is making delicious pies. I very much look forward to seeing new people tomorrow and also having my first and possibly the only Thanksgiving day experience.

Brazen Guns and Gentle Doves

The theme of tonight's concert is "Brazen Guns and Gentle Doves" . The theme of my another concert next Tuesday is "War and Peace". Coincidentally, they are almost the same.

I really like the theme. Although I can't do anything special to bring peace to the world, I really want peace to prevail all over.

I'm not good at the scene where people argue each other. I remember one time, more than ten years ago, when I was with my choir's colleagues at a cafe after the rehearsal, two people at my table started to argue about a subtle thing, but it was getting serious and they finally started to shout each other. Next thing I knew was that I found myself crying although I was not the people who were arguing. I felt so sad to see them arguing because I loved them. The people I loved were arguing each other, which was the saddest thing to see at that time.

Peace means a lot. Peace in the world, peace in your nation, peace in your city, peace in your school, peace in your workplace, peace in your community, even peace in your house. If parents argue each other every day, it hurts the kids a lot.


I don't know what I'm trying to say here....! I love peace in any situation. I don't like people argue each other though I love having discussion about anything. I really hate people killing each other over things which we can solve by talk.


I'll sing tonight those of my wishes in my mind.

yellow ribbons

Among the pieces we sing tonight, there is a song titled "Yellow is the Color of Ribbons" composed by one of our members, Karen Siegel. On Thursday night, when we had a dress rehearsal, the conductor, Phillip, told us to imagine anyone who passed away as we sing it. I want to tribute this song to Ms. James, a resident of my nursing home, who passed away this Tuesday.

She had been such a caring person. I remember the time Ieva and I visited her to the hospital when she had a diarrhea and was hospitalized. She seemed so weak, her voice was so small. When we talked to her, the first thing she asked us was how was everyone at the nursing home. She didn't complain her situation at all but worried about everyone else even when she herself was weak and had a hard time. I was so impressed with her caring attitude and loved her a lot. She was an angel God sent to us.

On Monday, I had my music class at the Home. After that Ieva told me that she was not doing well and might be dying before very long. I was shocked to hear that and felt so sad. We tried to reach her pastor, her close friend to let them know the situation. She asked her friend to bring her bags in which she put her important things. Ieva and I entered her room and tried to find the bags but couldn't find them. I had a sad feeling as I was doing it. The bed was empty and we were not sure if she could come back here again.

Then on Thursday, I went to the Home to help the chapel service and was told she had passed away on Tuesday, the next day we entered her room......

You had been so warm, kind, caring to everyone. You were loved and will be loved forever, Ms. James. Thank you very much being with us, with me, in your last days at the nursing home. We will never forget you.

performance day!

It's a performance day today for the C4 choir. I'm so excited about it also a little bit nervous to be honest. It's freezing today so some of our members expect low turn out. But it doesn't matter. I believe we have warmhearted audience and they will receive our music gift, which we try to polish until the last minute.


On a performance day, I always have a certain feeling. Tonight I have to say good-bye to the pieces we sing. The performance time means the last time we sing the songs. When I first saw the pieces, I had no idea what they were, like a map of a place where I had never been, or a photo of whom I had never met, or a view which I had never seen before. But now, it's different! I know the street, how to get there, the view, the people, I can feel it, smell it, taste it, and relate to it. My love toward each piece has grown more and more. So today means my farewell to the pieces. I will say good bye to them as I give them to the audience as my special gift. To make my gift best, I have to do my best and most importantly, enjoy the time with my colleagues as well as the audience.

I can't wait the special time tonight. It's going to be great. I'm sure!

Hello diary, long time no see...!

I haven't written about my life for a while. I've been fine but just having no time or no energy or too many things to want to write...... !


There was a fund-raising dinner dance party by my nursing home last week. I enjoyed it very much although I am not good at party scenes. I met several people whom I had first met on my second day at the nursing home. They were visiting us to bring donated clothes by church people. I had lunch with them. I remember the day very well because I was new at that time and was nervous and insecure. I was very glad to meet them again and was able to talk to them my joyful stories at the nursing home since I met them last time. It's been more than 6 months. I just realized how many stories I have to tell them! They are planning to visit us again next spring. They said they would try to make it before my going back to Japan. If it comes true, that'd be great!


My next place to live have been decided. My friend, Lisa, let me stay in her apartment again! I'm so excited to live with her again. Since I left her place, I missed the conversation we used to have every day. I feel very very thankful to her and very glad to be back in Park Slope, close to my church friends! I'll be moving out in the middle of Dec.


I had my music class (activity) at the nursing home yesterday. It was the third time. We sang the "Love's Old Sweet Song". Pastor Ieva helped me and it went quite well. Actually it was went interestingly well. At the warm-up time, I told them to roll their shouler and their neck..... most of them couldn't do that well. Some of them couldn't move their body, others couldn't understand my instruction, another couldn't hear me at all. It was somehow disfunctional, but still I enjoyed it very much. I have to think about simpler explanation or simpler way. Having microphone around, I asked people to say their name and their favorite flower. One woman just started to sing a hymn. She might have thought it was a chapel service since Pastor and I were around. Right, it's always at church when we are around. She went on till third verses and I enjoyed her singing a lot. After that I told everyone "now you can tell she is a great singer!" Everybody agreed with me. Communicating, understanding, reponding..... it's always not easy at our place. But somehow, always unexpected things happen and we all enjoy those happenings!



I'll be appearing at two concerts at the end of this month and am getting nervous. Everyday I wake up with insecure feeling like if my voice is OK today or not.... if I forgot everything about music, if I can do it OK tonight rehearsal.... sort of things.

God will take care of you. You are going to be OK, Naoko!
Good night and see you soon!

Walking companions

On Saturday, I walked with leaves and music by my MP3 player. Thank you for walking along with me.

Thank you for your cute performance!

I went to the St. John divine church to attend the concert by Early American New York last Sunday. On my way there, a squirrel greeted me with its cute performance!

not let it bother myself and enjoy every blessing

There are not only fun but sometimes you should have uncomfortable things, maybe being treated badly, not having a person who was supposed to show up, being shouted by someone who gets mad at somebody else not me, being ignoring by somebody even when you greet to him or her, knowing the fact that you might be under fire for somebody's stress buster. I know I need to be strong. I know I need to be accustomed myself to others' culture here. I know I shouldn't let others bother me. But sometimes I can't. I can't deal with my shaky feelings.


I stopped to have lunch at the Home's dining hall from this week for some reasons. I don't want to write the reason but I somehow got tired of something sad. And couldn't get rid of it. And then I thought I want to get rid of it. I know it is a negative solution but I decided to be away from it for a while even though I was enjoying the conversation with the residents there very much. I'll see what I feel after a while, and then I might be going back there some time. I just wanted to get rid of my worry first.


On Thursday, I had another stressful situation. I was tired of myself being too sensitive about the same situation again and again. Naoko, you have to get used to it and stop crying! I said to myself but couldn't manage it well, no, I think I managed it well somehow. We had a good service. John gave us a wonderful speech. The residents contributed beautiful prayers, singing, comments. They departed there saying, thank you, it was good..... I was just feeling so down inside. My eyes got teary several times during the service and I tried to cheer me up and stopped crying.

There was a man, one of the resident who always shouts "Play the piano! She wants to sing, you play the piano! My mother used to play the piano...!!!" or something like that. He seems to like me and always keeps his place next to my piano at the service. He usually doesn't stop shouting until I play the piano so it's getting annoying to others because he doesn't stop even when the pastor preaches or somebody is praying.

Yesterday, I was surprised because he was quiet. He became quiet, I think, since when he saw my tears. He was there saying nothing but looked at me all the time. When I saw him, he would raise his hand, as if saying hi, Naoko, stop crying, I'm here, and I like you, or something like that. I felt his warmness. I saw him in quiet for the first time. I thought he saw through my mind very well. Thank you for your cheering, Mr.

After the service, a woman, my piano student, approached me, and said, "Naoko, I can imagine what's going on with you. Don't be discouraged. You are playing such an important roll here. Everyone loves you here. I'm sure. God will take care of you all the way. I promise, you will be a very very strong woman when you go back to Japan next year, I'm sure. I know it because I was called "crying baby" when I was young. I cried a lot. When I was dispatched to the Virgin Island, I was alone. I didn't know anyone there. One time, my income from the British government was delayed for three months. I didn't have anyone who helped me. I just had macaroni and sugar, that was it! I survived by them. I cried and cried for many other reasons. But I became so strong after that. I still cry sometimes even now but I'm strong now. You'll be strong. Understand?"

While we were talking, one of the volunteer came and joined our conversation. She is the one who taught me many things on my first day at the nursing home. I love her. She is cheerful and helpful all the times. Every time we remember a resident in the service who passed away recently, she would cry with her heart. She noticed my tears and said "Are you all right? You can talk to me if you like. But you know, my mother died last week and I've had a hard time, too." Then she went on her story about her mother's last time and her having to do mom's funeral. I pressed myself against her and we cried together. My sadness seemed so small compared to hers. We shared our sorrows and had a good time.



My rent for the apartment will raise from December and I have to move out. My landlady is in a difficult situation herself. The economic crisis again!!! She needs more money and my rent is not enough for her to keep her life good. I understand her situation. I understand it. But I can't stop worrying about my life.... and tend to get down since the meeting with her. I might get a place to live soon or even I can't get it soon, it's OK for me to look for a place and take time for a while. It'll be a good experience!

My friend gave me a great expression.
"enjoy each blessing one day at a time, aware that it may be gone tomorrow"

Yes, I should enjoy each blessing one day at a time. I love this!

A meeting at the library

I love the atmosphere at the library. Quiet and peaceful, the librarian are helpful and seem enjoying their job. Last Wednesday, before the vocal lesson, I had time so went to the nearby library. It became my ritual.

When I go to the library, mostly I end up at the young-adult section. I love books for young people, especially the ones for youngsters who struggling with their lives by parents' divorce, discrimination, knowing love for the first time, life adventures.... and so on. I also struggled with my own life when I was young by various reasons, not knowing whether or not my father was alive, my mother's changeable boy friends, having to cook and have almost every meal by myself since I was 10, living away from my mom at the age of 1-10, a difficult relationship with my mother since after living with her. I was saved by people around me. But I assume there are lots of young people who need help right now without having anyone to save them. Even if they seem happy even with smile, they may hide their feeling inside because they don't want to make anyone worry about them or they don't want reveal their family problem, they may think it's normal because they don't know the outside world, others' situation. They might want to think of their family normal and then want to be peaceful although it isa false.

One of my dreams is becoming a translator for English young-adult novels. I want to introduce good English novels to Japanese younger people and encourage them, saying they are not alone, there are many many young people in the world who have similar problems as you. You don't have to worry. If you survive now, as time goes by, a bright light would wait for you with open arms, I want to convey the message by translating good novels for them.


Oh, I went off the track!!
When I was looking at the young-adult novel section on Wednesday, a woman in her late 30's started to talk to me, saying, "Hi, you know, I'm not good at reading. But I know I should read. I want to read. But I can't go on reading. I stop reading every time. Is it a section for youth? That's why I'm here. I thought it's easier for me to read on if I choose one of these books here. But I don't know which one is good for me."

I was so surprised to be talked suddenly. She had a Latino accent. And seemed serious. So I said to her, "I understand. I'm learning English, too. My first language is not English so. Do you like young girl's love stories? Or self-development stories? If so, I have a recommendation for you. I'll show you my favorite author." I took her "W" shelf. My favorite author since I came here is Ellen Wittlinger. I've read five books by her and liked all of them. Her book is not so deadly serious, full of happiness and jokes, but always touches deep issues casually. I like her approach. I recommended one of her book "ZigZag" for the woman. I explained the story and she seemed to like it and said " I think I check out this. I'll check out just one book, you know. And want to read it through." I hope she likes it and finishes reading!

After that, I had a weird feeling. I was like a librarian! Although I'm not an English speaking person, I recommended an English book to a woman who was looking for an easy reading book! It that great, isn't it? I felt happy both for me and for her!


The following is the books I've read since I came here:

1. "Jeremy Fink and the Meaning of Life" by Wendy Mass

2. "A Mongo-shaped Space" by Wendy Mass

3. "Olive's Ocean" by Kevin Henkes

4." Musicophilia" by Oliver Sacks

5. "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch　

6. "Freddy Plays Football" by Walter R. Brooks

7. "The NPR Classical Music Companion" by Miles Hoffman

8. "Razzle" by Ellen Wittlinger

9. "Zigzag" by Ellen Wittlinger

10. "A Long Way From Chicago" by Richard Peck

11. "A Year Down Yonder" by Richard Peck

12. "Twisted" by Laurie Halse Anderson

13. "Sandpiper" by Ellen Wittlinger

14. "Soon and very soon" by Sherryle Kiser Jackson

15. "Sold" by Patricia McCormick

16. "Parrotfish" by Ellen Wittlinger

17 . "Hard Love" by Ellen Wittlinger


And now I started to read "The Rules of Survival" by Nancy Werlin. It's about three children who have an evil mother and survives their life by getting a clue from their mother's boyfriend, who later broke up with the mother and became an ex-boyfriend, Murdoch. I'm enjoying the book very much.

Friendships with young people

I've been having a good relationship not only with elderly people but also with young people since I came here over six months ago.


At the Columbia University choir, the Collegium Musicum, I sing with students. Most of them are not music major ones. I've been surprised how talented they are. Unfortunately, since they are busy for various reasons, the attendance is not so good, but we've improved little by little and our concert is less than a month away. I always look forward to seeing them in every rehearsal on Monday and Wednesday.


I started to audit another school's class since last Monday. This is a choral conducting class. There are only six students. I hope I can build a good friendship with them from now on. Last Monday, I was a little bit nervous for my first visit there. There were three student at that time. I was surprised to see that two of them are from Asia, my region, Korea! All of them were friendly and smiled at me. Choral conducting is one of the several things I really wanted to learn for years. I join this class to sing for the conducting by the students. I saw a big improvement in each student after getting the teacher's suggestions. It was amazing! Can't wait to join the next class. I'm very lucky to have this opportunity during my stay here. I don't want miss a class. I have stay well and keep a good condition so that I can contribute my singing to them in a best condition.


Also, I started to have a good friendship with twin boys who live next door to my apartment. Since I moved there, our relationship had been just like greeting each other. The change occurred when one them got injured his arm last month. I heard he had a surgery and felt very sorry for him. So I made a dozen of paper cranes as my wish for his quick recovery. They liked the cranes and another boy asked me to teach how to make it. I made a instruction models, following the several procedural steps. He tried to do it by himself at first, made a good effort, and the time came for me to visit him one night. We fixed the date for Tuesday night since I have no rehearsal that night. We've got together for two times until now. I like the time with them. We not only do the cranes but talk with each other. They told me they are working on their school paper project. I asked what was the main topic. The topic was the budget cutting! Oh, economy crisis is here, too! They told me it mostly affects the art subject, such as concert opportunities, movie going, museum visiting and so forth. Their lunch service may have been affected. I was so sad to hear that. One of them play the piano and sing beautifully, too. At the first meeting night, I was a little bit nervous because the following day was my vocal lesson and I had had a bad result at the previous lesson. I was not confident with my singing at that time. I confessed my feeling to him. He said to me "Naoko, you are an excellent singer, I can tell. I hear your practicing sometimes, and I know." I was very very encouraged by his words. At the next meeting, I told him that the lesson went very well and my teacher gave me a good comment. Then he said, "I told you that you are an excellent singer!" I think we became good friends now and I love them!

A song for this period

I've been working on a trio piece by Schutz, "Rorate coeli desuper"

The lyric goes like this:

"Rorate coeli desuper et nubes pluant justum"
(Drop down dew, ye heavens, from above, and let the clouds rain the just),

"Aperiatur terra et germinet salvatorem"
(Let the earth be opened and send forth a Saviour").

What a suitable piece for today's situation. As I've been singing this again and again, the election day is closer. And now, just three days away. We may see the historical result. Can "He" save the world-wide economic crisis? I am invited to my friend's apartment, where tens of people will gather together and see the result. I feel privileged to be here in such a special time.

improvement!!

I had my third vocal lesson on Wednesday.

For the past two weeks, I had been trying my best to improve my singing. I kept diary only about music. I wrote each day about what I felt with my body, throat, mouth, face, lyrics, melody, pitch, color of voice, diaphragm etc. , what I found new, what I realized something was wrong or correct..... everything. Sometimes I recorded my singing experiments. I would say, "this time, I will care about only breathing." then sang some phrase and listened to it later, and another time I would say in the beginning of the recording, "this time I would care about only relaxing my jaw." and recorded singing and listened to it later so that I can compare which way was successful and which way was not.

I practiced breathing using my diaphragm as much as possible as I relaxed the other parts of my body. I did it on the street, on the train, on the bed..... everywhere. For the first week or so, I couldn't get how to do it. My breathing was always shallow and I didn't know which part I should have used.... or anything. But one day, one time, my body responded to my will somehow, I thought, "Is that it?" and I tried to do the same way again and again, and wrote down what I intended to do at that time to the music diary.

One time, I was totally stuck. Then I thought, "OK, this time, I forget everything! I won't care how high or low the note is, weather or not my pitch is precise or something. I will sing a song!!" And recorded some phrase. Surprisingly it somehow worked.

On Wednesday, on my way to my teacher's, I was wavering. I was not confident, I expected I could have been worse than the last lesson. On the other hand, I felt I was stronger in some ways. I started to think that I had to be tough. "I'm going to perform before my loving teacher. I should totally rely on her. I have my music. I should show her what I've been trying in the past two weeks. Naoko, you will be OK! Having time with such a wonderful musician should be fun!"

Then...... I buzzed my teacher's door bell.

And it went..... well!! My teacher said to me I improved a lot especially with breathing! We worked on Bach duet piece. It was amazing. She has a magic. Every part was difficult and touch to deal with until then. She solved every problem, language, melody, breathing, flow of music, how to use my energy efficiently, and everything. It totally changed. There were moments I felt so comfortable with singing that day. I was very very happy with that.

She suggested me several new things. I have to work on these things and really want to improve myself more. It's really tough to change yourself, the way you have been doing it for so long. You have to deceive yourself somehow, mesmerize yourself to adopt new ways. My body respond in a wrong way every time and I get down..... I know it's tough but some bright lights wait for me and I will enjoy music more and more if I could achieve it.



++++++++++++++;
This has a following story. I was so happy right after the lesson and I was so hopeful next day on my way to the choir rehearsal. I expected I would sing better using things I got in the previous day. But it went bad! I couldn't sing well at all! I was so disappointed with myself. Then I realized that I hadn't learned about the pieces well enough and got nervous about the pitch, notes, and pronunciation..... Then I started to have a sore throat again Thursday night and it didn't go away on Friday..... It's Saturday today and I can't practice my singing but I can at least practice breathing, pronunciation, and language or anything other than singing, right? You can't do anything in one day. I'll continue to do my best!

A burial and hospital visit

I had another special experience yesterday.

A woman passed away at my nursing home last week. Usually, if family holds the funeral in some place then there is nothing we can do for the dead resident. If the family can do the funeral and asks us to be there, we would be there. If there is no family but the resident had enough money to do his or her own funeral, then there would be a funeral and some staff or residents would attend the funeral.

This time, she had family but they had no money to hold her funeral, I suppose. The body was brought to the funeral home from the hospital where she ended her life. There was a visiting time on Sunday when the coffin was opened and her family or friends could come and said good by for her. When I heard this I was afraid if she had no one seeing her there. But the funeral home staff told us that around 25 people came to see her. I thought it was great. Then I realized even she had such many people who loved her so much and came to see her all the way to the funeral home, they couldn't afford to hold the funeral for her, also they might have to work on Monday so nobody could be at her burial. Even their family passed away, they couldn't have a day off on Monday. Life is not easy.

Anyway, Pastor Ieva and I went to the funeral home in the morning. We went to the room where her body was and sing a hymn and prayed for her. The coffin was opened. I could tell from her face that she now had no pain and peaceful. After a while we took a cab to the cemetery with the funeral car.

It was my first time to be at a burial. In Japan everybody must be cremated. It's decided in law. So when we bury the dead person, it's always the ashes. For me, it was so special to see the coffin was buried. I expected I would have had a sad feeling there. But it was not. We had a small service. Just Ieva and me, the driver from the funeral home and three of the cemetery staff were there. Ieva prayed and I sang a song for her. The weather was beautiful. I was gradually feeling better to see the beautiful green there, to see the good work by the staff there. I interviewed to the staff. The longest worker has been working for 35 years! Remarkable. Such an important job there are doing for us! They seemed to be proud of their job and a kind of enjoyed doing it in a good meaning. I felt just happy to see good people and to see that we would have such a wonderful place and wonderful people in the end of our lives. Ieva took a photo of the staff and me, then I told them that I came from Japan and it was good to see them. They liked my singing and was so nice to us.

Although it was a sad event, I can say I had a good time there. Ieva and me enjoyed walking there after a while, seeing grave stones there as we were imagining each person's precious life. There are such wonderful people doing a remarkable job in each place where we usually don't pay much attention. Thank you for your great job!


On our way home, we visited the hospital to see several residents there. We made a long chat with one of them. She has a heart problem and might have to have a minor surgery to put some material in her heart to keep her heart well. She said she was scared and didn't know if she should do it or not. We prayed together handing our hands. Tear came down as I pray for her. I understood her fear. It was difficult for me to pray in English, I didn't know what to say, but I just ask for God's help..... for her.


At lunch time, on the subway, on the street, all the way I enjoyed talking with Ieva. Our conversation always goes deep and deep.... like to a mental world. I felt there is no secret between us and felt so secure with her even our relationship was just a 6-month old, and our native language is different!



*********************************
Today I had a rehearsal with the pianist for the up-coming small concert at my friend's apartment on Nov. 1st. I'm singing a duet from Bach cantata 99 with my friend, Rita. I love her voice. She has such a lovely voice. It'll be our fourth time to sing together. I'm so lucky to have her as my duet partner.



Tomorrow will be my third vocal lesson. I hope I will do better this time!
Oh it's time to go to sleep now. Good night!

Osaka's local foods

I found the article about Osaka's local food, Takoyaki, on NYT. I know this vendor, Kogaryu! Another local food I want to recommend is Okonomiyaki. If you have a chance to come to Osaka, You should try it!!




Actually, they would be much more popular than Sushi, in Osaka!




I've been doing all right. Every day is a sgruggling but worth doing it!

struggling

I've been struggling with my singing.

Last month, I had my first vocal lesson with my new teacher. Until the second lesson, I tried to do:

* before singing, each time, breathing slowly and deeply, store the breath at the bottom of my belly, and relax my jaw.

* try not to be aware of my throat or vocal cord, just to sing by the order of diaphragm

* when saying "ng" sound, relax my tongue and try not to change the pitch when moving into any vowels

* My "i" vowel tends to be tensed on the tip of my tongue. So feel the back of the tongue and relax

* Once starting to sing, no hesitation, just going on. Don't push but don't hesitate

* make some room in the back of my neck

* when going down the step, I should be relaxed because the vibration decreases when the note going down

* When the sound is good, I should feel the comfortable flexibility everywhere

* my "u" vowel is not enough "u". It's different from Japanese "u" sound. should be careful.


During the two weeks until the second lesson, I just tried to follow those things, and became to have several problems.... maybe not problems but awkwardness?

Many things are connected to my English pronunciation. I became aware of my pronunciation when I read a book out loud. "u" is not "u". "i" is always tensed. "ng" is wrong, too tensed on my tongue. When I try not to change the pitch when I read aloud, I felt a kind of more comfortable to pronounce English words. So I just kept doing it but I was not sure.....

Breathing. I try to breathe deeply every time I sing. Then I didn't know how to keep the breath efficiently, how to go on singing a long phrase, how to use my breath by the same amount little by little. After a while, I became to feel that my chest becomes hard in the end of the phrase and I couldn't fix it.


+++++++++++++++++

The second lesson came this Wednesday.
This time, my teacher suggested the following points.

* F# is my unstable point. especially when I go between F# and A#, it really difficult to move naturally. When F# is fine, then A# becomes flat. when A# goes well, F# becomes sharp. I feel it, I understand what she said.. but it was really difficult to fix it. I felt so sad that I couldn't respond her instruction....

* Especially on A# or some other certain points, my voice get stuck! My teacher said, "You voice is stuck!" I knooooooooow!!! But I can't fix it!!! Help me!!! She tried to help me with many ways. But I think I couldn't respond to her instruction well. I hope I would be better next time.

* Support. When I vibrate my lips and sing a certain movement, my teacher said I can support my breath well. So after the lesson, I practiced the lips vibration. I felt the bottom of my belly became hard when I vibrate my lips. Then I try to sing by vowels, or by some phrases, making the same condition. After a while, I felt my entire body became tensed somehow, not flexible.... I know I should be relaxed, but I can't do it!

* I became flat in every end of the phrase. My voice tremble in every end of the phrase. I knooooow. But I can't fix it!!!! One of the reasons is tension of my tongue. The sound should go beyond my tongue, not under my tongue, especially when singing "e" vowel, my tongue becomes tensed. I found later that "u" and "o" also goes tensed...... almost all vowels!!!


Now....
I have to be aware of so many things. I want to sing naturally and relaxed, I know. But when I think of this and that and these and those and..... I become so tensed. I believe it would be the way to the progress. Now I feel I'm in a dark tunnel. I'm not flexible now. I am so awkward. I feel as if I am a kindergarten student, or even a baby, not knowing how to breathe, how to speak, or how to walk!


I know every teacher has their own method. I love my current teacher's music and I decided to learn from her. I have only 6 month being here. I don't know how much I can learn from her. But I believe I can learn something from her and improve my singing. I want to believe it.

But to be honest, I am not confident now...... I feel I'm not good..... I really hope things will be better with me! I'll try my best.

one-dollar bill

On Friday, I went to the nearby grocery shop and stood in a register line after getting eggs and onions. There were a few people before me. Then a woman came ahead of me saying "I was.... uh..." She muttered something and stood in front of me. I said, "You mean you were in the line?" She said "Yes." So I said "OK, go ahead." She thanked me and go to the register.

I saw what she had in her hand. Fruits. Peaches, apples, and bananas. Maybe 2 each. I noticed everything was half rotten, not in a good condition, maybe discounted ones.

She seemed in her 40's, my age. Wore her grizzled hair in a bun. She wore decent wool suits but looked like old cloth. I noticed the skirt's back zip was half opened.

She seemed very nervous while register person was checking out. Looked the displayed price on the resister anxiously. Then 1.00 was displayed. She smiled a little bit and put one-dollar bill from her bag and gave it to the checker. She put it out not from her purse but directly from her bag.

Then the checker said something. It seemed the total price was not one dollar but one dollar and several dozen cents or something. She seemed very upset, fished for in her bag for awhile. I expected she put some coin from her bag soon. But nothing was showed up. I was surprised and my heart started to ache.

She had nothing but one-dollar bill. She said to the checker "I won't buy this." pointed out one of the fruit. Then the checker canceled one kind of the fruit, 2 peaches or something. Price became less than a dollar.

She asked the checker that she wanted to buy one peach if she could, so the checker weighed a peach again and add the price. The price was OK. She got a few cents of change and said "Thank you" to the checker and left.


I was deeply heartbroken. I thought I should have given her a dollar or even dozens of cents...... I was just stunned and couldn't do anything.

I usually say "I'm not rich. I have to spend as less money as possible here."
But I have enough money to live, enough to eat not only meals but also some sweets, my favorite ice cream, if I want.

There are many people like that woman. I wonder how she manage her daily meals..... Does she have any children? Does she have a place to live? Does she have any family to ask for help? I know I can't help everybody who is in need. I can't do anything...... My heart aches as I remember her now. What can we do for the needed people. Give money is not a definitive solution...... What can we do for them?

I want to spend each dollar for good use, thinkingly. I will.

this week

This is my 24th week being in NY.

Monday:
I had my first music class at the nursing home. After introducing each other by saying your name and your favorite color, started with warming up, rolling your shoulders slower both forward and backward, rolling your neck slowly, breathing in and out slowly as you imagine standing on a beautiful prairie, then sing with vowels in a scale little by little. Then moved to the music. I picked up "Merry Widow Waltz" for this time. First singing the melody a part by a part by vowel "A", and then read the lyrics aloud, finally we sang the song with words. Since it was a waltz, I thought we should swing! I encouraged people to swing in anyway, handing next person's hand and swing together, dancing is fine, or just swinging your arms as you sing.... everybody seemed to be enjoying the time. I was so glad to see it.

Next time will be the next Monday. I'll be doing it on first and third Mondays. I hope people find singing comfortable and fun and also hope warming exercises help their body healthy.


Tuesday:
Bible study. We had Ieva, John and Eugenia. Ieva asked everyone questions "Where are you from?" "Who are you?" Mostly their answer were their original country and their name, but some of them had unique answers, I enjoyed it and learned from them.


Wednesday:
It was off. I was going to practice choir's music but I had a headache and ear ringing and sore throat, too bad! I try not sing too much and look up words or read the words in my mind. I went to the choir rehearsal at night but couldn't sing well. It happens sometimes.

Thursday:
Ieva was away for her mother.
In the morning, I couldn't use the PC in the office because the ID and password was expired, the message said. I went to the IT staff but he was off. A recreation staff let me use her computer so I could type and print out the words for the song which I'm going to use for my next music class.

Lunch time, the main dining was closed due to the clothing sale or something. I waited at the door of the kitchen until getting my lunch but the kitchen staff seemed so busy. I went to the nearby McDonald and had McChicken, small french fry and coffee.

At chapel service time, the ministry who was supposed to come didn't show up. I called him and found he was in his apartment. He just honestly said to me, "Naoko, I'm sorry. I just totally forgot." There was nobody who could preach so I had to do something because the residents were already there waiting to start.

I asked a blind resident to give us a opening prayer which he did wonderfully. Then we sang "Precious Lord, Take My Hand." The man whose favorite song was this one, smiled at me saying the title of the song loud. I was glad to see his smile. Then I handed the mic saying, "I think everybody know Mr. xx. He always come early and set up the church for us. He is in the hospital now. Not only him there are many who is severely sick or in the hospital. I'd like you to pray for the sick people." Then two residents give us a prayer one after another. The first person is a woman who always sing a song for us but rarely pray so I was glad she did something different. The second person is a catholic Christian, her prayer was short but filled with love toward people because she herself is really a caring person.

Then we sang, "God will take care of you" After that, we read Psalm 23 out loud together followed by some solo songs.

I again apologized people, "I'm sorry we don't have anybody who can give you a preach today. I promise we are having a good service next Thursday. So we have to finish now. Anyone give us a closing prayer?" I saw a woman smiling. She always smiles. But I sensed something. She is rather shy so she rarely give some comment but I never heard her prayer. I asked her to pray. She hesitated at first. "I don't know how to do it..." she said. I didn't know how to encourage her but just I said, "Just say thank you Lord, and add your own words, anything is all right, short words is OK, anything in your mind!" Then she started "Thank you Lord...." then "Thank you for the food, thank you for our health..." I don't remember the rest of the words but she prayed beautifully. I was glad to hear that. At the back side, another woman who always sing songs in French also prayed in English. A recreation staff asked her to pray and she responded to it! I was grateful for both of them and the staff, too.

People started to leave the chapel, then I heard the French singer was singing a song, "The Old Rugged Cross" her favorite song. I started to play the song by the piano. She walked to the piano and sang it in French so I joined her singing in Japanese. We smiled at each other when we finished.

I think we had a good time, helping each other, loving each other. After all, I had a good time despite the fact that we didn't have a person who led us. Thank you, Lord.


However, it was a very energy consuming activity for me! I was totally shattered when it was finished. I went to the recreation leader's office and apologized the inconvenience. She said, "It's OK. It's fine. Anyway, are you doing your music class on Monday?" I said, "Yes! I definitely come! I'm prepared already!" "OK" She was smiling.

On my way home, actually, right after I got out of the Home, I found myself crying on the street and on the subway too. Sense of relief or just exhaustion? I don't know.... or kind of I was sad. Why was I sad? Whenever I feel the residents seem to be treated light, I mean, a kind of unimportantly, I feel sad. Maybe this time, it might not be true, but sometimes, I feel so.

I had to be absent for the choir rehearsal that night. I needed a rest.


It was another great week, I think so now.

one of our kitties, Gara

This is Gara, one of our three kitties. My husband took photos of him and also of others. You can see his photos on his flickr page here

In winter, he usually sleeps under my left arm. Now he started to sleep my husband's..... I miss you, Gara! ummm? Maybe I should miss my husband more? hahaha...

vocal lesson

I had my private vocal lesson yesterday.
It was just amazing. Or I felt like I was doing a meditation or Zen training although I'm not a specialist for Buddhism.


One of my problems is inconsistent pitch. I found that when I was ready with every aspect, my pitch became consistent. In another word, when I was not ready even with one thing necessary, my voice would not work well. Relaxing my jaw, breathing deeply, making a room behind my head, not making a vowel but just feeling it, then the sound comes out so naturally. It was exactly what I wanted to do for years and years but I couldn't reach the line yet.

My teacher gave me a lot of suggestions with detailed explanation. I couldn't respond her instruction and I felt so useless but it was the first lesson, it was just a start. I'll work hard and want to improve my voice by this great opportunity.

When it was finished, my brain was reached the limit, not working any more! I had to very much concentrate all the time. Yet, on my way to the station, many things went around in my brain. I was afraid of the things disappearing so I dropped in the doughnut shop and just try to write down what I learned with a corn bread and coffee.

For me, singing is still full of mystery. I feel often uncomfortable when I sing and think something must be wrong but cannot fix it. I've heard that vocal cord is uncontrollable muscle but you can train it by teaching how to work correctly. When it learns how to work, it remembers the process and will work well from there on, which means if you train it wrongly, it would remember the wrong way and it'd be difficult to change it from the bad to the good. I think my vocal cord muscle learned somehow wrongly and has been doing it for a long time so it'd be difficult to retrain it. But I really want to let it learn the correct way!


Today, I practiced by myself as I remembered the teacher's instruction. It's really difficult!!! I can't do it!!! No more!!!! I just can't do it! I repeat whine.... in my mind. But somehow, partly, a little bit, I could feel comfortable with singing. Just a baby step. I believe I can do it someday! I just started doing it. It's OK for today.

C4 retreat

R0012096
Originally uploaded by butako

I joined the choir retreat this weekend. It was a great time for not only music but also for knowing each other, having a peaceful time in a rustic place, cooking hamburgers and hotdogs on the outside grill, walking around and finding pretty flowers and mushrooms...... I had a wonderful time there! I have uploaded more photos on my flickr page so please click this photo and see other photos as well!

My music life in NY

I came here to work as a volunteer at a nursing home. I never expected I could have such a wonderful musical life during my stay in NY. Before summer, I joined two workshops with The Western Wind. I met excellent musicians there. They brought me other music opportunity.

I had two auditions and passed both of them. So I started to join two choirs from this fall.
One is The C4 Chamber Choir. I met several members at the first Smith Workshop and they asked me to join them. The audition was extremely difficult so I thought I failed it. I was surprised when I got an invitation from them. I'm joining two concerts for this season, in November and February. All pieces are composed by living composers. All are challenging for me. I have to work hard to catch up with them. The next concert's theme is "War and Peace". I want to do my best to make it best! The rehearsal is on Thursday.

Another choir is The Columbia Collegium Musicum. A singer who I met the second Smith workshop asked me to join. The members are mostly students of Columbia University. We are singing Schutz for the next concert in November. The conductor is a young and talented woman. It's a great opportunity for me to sing with young people there. The rehearsal is on Monday and Wednesday.

Other than these, I've been joining a sight singing group on Friday. On weekend, I enjoy singing among church choir. At the nursing home, I play the piano and sing at the chapel service and the Bible study, also I'm starting my own music activity this month.

My life here became not only about communicating with elderly people but also enjoying such a fruitful music life!

Meeting good people

I met good people on Friday.

In the morning, I had an interview with a head teacher of a school for special kids. She wants volunteers to help her research there. I'm interested in speech pathology so I asked her if I could help her. Unfortunately, our conditions didn't meet well. It takes one and a half hour for me to get there. Also, I need to pay $100 to check criminal records for my finger prints. And I can't get any necessary cost, including transportation fee or meals. She understood my condition and offer me to keep in touch with her and I might help her at home, such as researching good educational materials on the net or at the library and telling her. She explained their excellent education system to me using her past presentation materials. She was energetic, enthusiasm, and very sharp person. I was so glad meeting her.

After the interview, I got on B35 bus from Remsen Ave to Church Av. and Nostrand Av. Taking bus is always difficult for me. I can't catch what the driver's is saying and misses my stop often! This time I got off a few stops earlier. I got off where I thought it was my stop. I couldn't find the subway station. Got lost. I found another bus stop and asked a young woman where the subway station was. She said, "Take the but to get there or walk about 5 blocks." I said, "I just got off the bus now so I think I'll walk. Could you tell me the direction?" She said, "OK we walk!" I was so surprised. I said, "Are you walking with me?" She, "Yes, it's a good exercise! The bus might not come until we get to the station. So we can walk!"

We enjoyed walking together. I talked to her about the interview. She talked to me that she is working for an alternate high school. I told her that I just started to read a YA novel about a boy who is back from reformatory institution to high school life under a supervision. I felt so happy meeting a nice person like her after a tense time at the interview. We exchanged e-mail addresses and promised e-mailing to each other.

What a wonderful time walking with someone who I met just a minute ago!

Then I went to a Salvation Army Store in upper west side, Manhattan to get some warm clothes for the coming winter. I'm joining a choir retreat next weekend so I needed warm relaxing wear until then. My current sleeping wear is short-sleeve T-shirts and shorts. It would be not enough at an up-state place.

The labels on the clothes were varied in colors. The add on the wall said, "50% off for the pink labels!" So I looked for clothes with pink labels and found good ones! Off course, I got 50 % discount for all!

Here are what I got there.



form the left: warm pants for $3.5, a purple sweater for $2, three colored trainer for $2, black fleece full zip jacket for $3.5, and beige fleece blanket for $1.99.

A shop person was nice. He was joking around, saying, "it's $100!" or "You can't get any discount for these!" or something. He made me laugh. I told him I'm working as a volunteer so have no income and I'm really serious about this shopping. His attitude changed and stopped joking around. We had a good chat at the register and said good-bye in a very good mood in the end!

Meeting good people always makes me happy!!!

tears and a funeral service

I attended a funeral service last Thursday. It was different from what I've seen before. There were just two of us, Ieva and me, and the dead resident. He died the previous week at the age of 63. We couldn't find any of his relatives to contact with. Last Wednesday, Ieva asked me if I could do the service with her. She said if we didn't do it, then there would be no service at all. I said yes right away.


Thursday morning, we met at the funeral hall at 10:30. Then we were led to a basement room. There were two sofas, two chairs, a small table and his body in a coffin. That was all. We sat there to waited till the scheduled time came, 11:00. Meanwhile, Ieva went out of the room twice to make phone calls to our nursing home to confirm if anybody else would attend or not, 5 minutes or so for each time. During then, I was just alone with the body. When I was a child, I was scared of dead bodies terribly. I hated ghosts stories, haunted houses at amusement parks, being alone in my room at dark.... This time, to my surprise, I was not scared at all, rather I felt peaceful. He was there still. He didn't move, looked like just sleeping. I thought he might have awake soon after taking a nap or so. I felt calm.

At 11:00, we started the service by just two of us. We stand beside the coffin. Ieva started to read the funeral prayer from the Hymn book. We sang a Hymn "Be Still My Soul" together. Ieva stared to read another prayer. I noticed her voice was changing little by little to nasal tone, and weakened. Then I knew she was crying. She couldn't finish the prayer so I read the last line and we said "Amen" at the end together.

I remember Ieva once told me that she can't cry before people. It was just before she got officially retired from the job this June. At that time, as we were walking along the hallway, lots of staff and residents came up to her and gave her sweet comments and hugged her tightly. I was impressed to see the beautiful scenes. And I'm sure she was impressed by everybody's sweet comment, too. Ieva told me that she felt like crying, even got choked up, but no tear comes out. I know you could get rid of a choke-up by crying. Tears wash away your chock-up somehow, even partly. I understood her mind and felt sorry for her.

So I was a bit surprised to sense her crying during the funeral service, at the same time, I was somehow glad with it. I don't know why. Maybe I thought that she could cry before me because we built up our good friendship. I might be wrong but I felt so and somehow glad with it.

Then I sang a Hymn "O Jesus, I Have Promised" solo just for the dead resident. I chose it and practiced it at home the previous night, remembering his smile. As I was singing, I hoped his peaceful life without any pain in the heaven with God.

I felt warm although the body was real cold when I touched him at the end of the service.
We had a good time with him. I thank him to let us have a good peaceful time altogether.

the-end-of-summer weekend!

I had a wonderful time on Labor Day weekend.

On Sunday, I went to the beach with my friends. It was my first time to go to the beach in the past 15 years or so. The weather was perfect. The dark blue Atlantic Ocean and the bright blue sky welcomed us as well as seaguls!


And then we drove to the Howard Beach, where we found an Italian retaurant for dinner. I had calamari pasta with hot sauce. I loved it! We were already full when the dessert was served. I can't believe it but we bobbled it up!!

On Saturday, I saw the West Indian Day Parade in Brooklyn! It was fabulous! I'll show you some of the photos here and if you like, you can visit my flickr page where you can see more photos!



I saw San. Chuck Schumer there!

interaction type and speech type

I thought Bill Clinton is an interaction type. Hillary is a speech type. They are different. When it comes to making a speech, Hillary's voice sounds great. When it comes to interacting, Bill can make people comfortable and feel trustful. They are different, I thought.

Now, John Kerry started to speak!

Hillary's speech

I happened to see Hillary's speech tonight and was so impressed with it. After the bitter defeat, I was interested to see how she pull herself together. She was beautiful, first of all. Her eyes were shining. She seemed full of confidence. Her language, of which I could understand every word, which means, I believe, every American including lots of immigrants who don't speak English well could understand what she said. It was very persuasive. Even I, who is not an American citizen, was almost moved to tears as one of the women in the world, felt sympathy for what she was saying. Then the question raised to my mind that it might have been a mistake not to choose Hillary as a presidential candidate or not....

Now, I'm very much interested in what Obama talks about in his speech, maybe Thursday night? He must leave a stronger impression than Hillary. It must be a tremendously difficult job!!