I went to the nursing home for the first time since new year. The current pastor was not there so she asked Ieva to sub her. Ieva asked me to help her. I thought it would be a good opportunity for me to see the residents again.
Since I stopped going there, The residents' faces appeared in my mind and would greet to me. I often felt guilty stopping going there without any notice to them. Or I simply doubt my decision to stop doing it was right or wrong..... My mind was wandering around since then even though I feel happy with my new life involved a lot in music.
I went to Ieva's place and we took the subway together. As we were heading to the Home, I felt odd. I felt the Home so far away, not in terms of distance, but in terms of my mind-set. I felt the Home a different place. And at the same time, it was exactly the same. And I felt even at home somehow.
People greeted me. Some told me they had missed me, saying they would love to have me again, including my music class.
The chapel service was lovely. Ieva asked each resident what they had in their mind to say to God. Some sang, others prayed, or said something. All of the words were impressive, yet I didn't become emotional until I saw my piano student. I know She had missed me a lot. I felt especially guilty for her. But I tried not to be upset. I tried to concentrate on the music.
I played the "Precious Lord" for the first Hymn, which is my favorite among the songbook. Ms. Paul sang beautifully in French, Ms. Robert sang spiritually... Mr. Johnson prayed energetically as always, Mr. Thurmond talked about his childhood memory enthusiastically. And Mr. Harris, who loves music especially the piano playing, talked to me all the time during the service, "Play the piano, she wants to sing, play the piano with her! I haven't seen you for a long time. Where were you? Where were you for such a long time. You should play the piano!"
I loved all the people there. I realized how much I loved them. Then I thought, even so, I cannot go back there as a regular volunteer. I cannot tell why. Just I thought so.
I decided to think of this, God gave me a time for prepare for our parting. Before coming here, I was not sure whether I could build a good relationship with them, or whether they would accept me. After a while I started to work there, I already began to feel I would miss them terribly after saying good bye. I was imagining how hard it would be when my going back to Japan, the time to say good bye to them. Now, I am in NY and don't have to say good bye to them. I can visit them anytime I want, and also I reduced my visit so that I can have a slight distance from them...... I can think of it sadly but also positively.
After the service, I talked my deep thoughts only to my piano student. She said, "thank you for sharing, Naoko. This is helpful to me. I'll pray for you. You can visit me anytime, I'll be glad with it!" After chatting, we had a piano lesson. It was a glovely time.
I think there would be a chance or several times for me to do the same role. I look forward to seeing them next time!
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