My first Monday at the nursing home: April 28th

It was raining heavily. On my way to the nursing home, I was thinking that it'd be much harder for me to commute there in winter or mid summer, but keeping going there was my most important thing to do because the residents could trust me that I'm always there.

It was my first Monday being there. On Mondays, we don't have any religious service with my pastor, which means I wouldn't have anything to do, like playing the piano or singing. Besides, my pastor was not there in the morning. The receptionist was different. I introduced myself to her. Then she let me go through. When I went to my pastor's office, the door was locked. I opened the door and put my things there and went up to my main working place, the 4th floor. The volunteer worker was different from the last week's. So I introduced myself to her. She was a nice person. They were playing a bingo game as usual. I said hello to the people and tried to have a conversation with one of them but it didn't last long.... and I joined the game anyway. At 11:00, it was teatime. The volunteer woman and I served cranberry juice and cookies to the residents. After serving them, we go back to the bingo game. During the game, a staff came up and moved a resident woman in a wheelchair to practice walking. I followed them to the hall thinking if there was anything I could do. Then the staff asked me "Who are you?". I had to introduce myself again. Honestly, there are so many people there so it's difficult for me to recognize whom I've met already, and whom I haven't. It makes me feel insecure sometimes. I realised how much I depended on my pastor. Without her existence, people couldn't recognize me as even a volunteer. I can be a stranger for them. All the staff have their own name holder but volunteers don't. It might be the reason why..... I don't know.

Then at noon, it was clean-up time. We should have moved all tables to the original places and all the residents to their seats. I didn't remember the tables' layout or the residents' seats. I could just ask the volunteer where to be. I felt I was really useless. But my joy was when I didn't know the trick of how to move the table(somehow to put out the wheels) and then I finally could move it, one of the residents winked at me saying "congratulations, Naoko!". Her words really made me happy!

After the clean-up time, it was a kind of boring time. We had nothing to do. Just waiting for lunch served. I tried to talk with some of the residents, about today's menu "Shepherd's pie", but it didn't last long.... I felt useless again!

My pastor finally showed up a few minutes after noon. I felt so glad when I saw her at the entrance of the dining room! I asked her if I could get a name holder. She promised me to try to get it. Kind of her!

At lunchtime, my pastor told me about an article on the NYT, "At 60, He Learned to Sing So He Could Learn to Talk"
It is about so called "Melodic Intonation Therapy", which might give a chance to people who'd had a brain disease and lost their speech ability by singing a simple song again and again, then saying a lyric again and again. I thought it'd be great to the residents here who lost their speech ability somehow. I hope I could help these people some time during I'm here.

At our lunch table there was another resident who told me about her dream. "I want to learn how to play the piano until I die." Her words moved me a lot. I really hoped we could have piano lessons as soon as possible. I assume she is in her 80's and has diabetes. I want to give her hope. I want to have a great time with her!

After lunch, my pastor and I visited the individual rooms one after another. There were a lot of other people who I hadn't met yet. Some are connected with lots of tubes from machines. Those people can't move at all. Just laying down on their bed all day. Some were conscious, some were not..... It made me sooooo sad. But I have to accept it and think positively even if it's a sad thing. I want to think their lives are filled with happiness. I really want to think that. I touched their faces and bodies when I was allowed to do it. Some people refused to take a picture with me, but it's OK because they have a right to say NO to everything. It was their room, their own house.

After my work on the day, I had time to talk with my pastor alone. I felt so weak then.... So I told about my weakness to her. About my sense of insecurity, lack of confidence with my English (both speaking and listening abilities), and everything. She understood me deeply. I was glad to be able to talk about my feeling.

On the way back home, I had a little of tears in my eyes. I didn't know why. I shouldn't have felt like that. It was a good day. But I couldn't stop myself getting down a bit. Maybe I felt sad for something, I felt sorry for something. For what? I don't know. In a deep place of my heart, I felt something dark. Now I feel I want to make the "something" bright. I really want to do it.

At night, I got two e-mails from my friends. Both were sooooooo happy e-mails. I felt much better after reading the warm mails. Thanks to God. I'm saved by something every time I feel down. I'm the luckiest person in the world! Tomorrow is another day!