When you die.....

After the chapel service yesterday, I visited several residents. Mr. D is rather younger compare to other residents, in his fifties. He is in a wheel chair. He can't walk by himself. He's been trying the physical therapy several times a week since he came here. He almost always stays in his room, watching television quietly. He has also difficulty in his speech. He can only speak slowly, but actually which helps me. When I talk to him, I don't have to rush because he speaks slowly so I can' speak slowly, too. I feel relieved when I talk to him.

Yesterday, our conversation went like this:

Me: I'm going home soon, so came here to say hello to you!

Mr. D: You mean you are going back to Japan?

Me: No, no! I'm going back to Japan next April. I mean I'm going home to Manhattan now. I have four more months being here so I'll still be around for a while, Mr. D.

Mr. D: You come back?

Me: Oh, I have no idea. I wish I could come back but I'm not sure, you know, the economy is not so good in my country,too. Maybe I would try to save some money and come back or maybe not... If my husband agree with me.

Mr. D: You should!

Me: Oh, you think I should? So maybe I should!
My husband is coming in the beginning of April. I think I'll bring him here to introduce him to you all because people here are important to me. I hope you... no, you know, I have a mixed feeling about it. I know you really want to go home so I hope you'll be at home until then, which means you won't be here..... but if you are still here, I want you to meet my husband.

Mr. D: I ...... will be here.

Me: You sure?

Mr. D: Yes, because I can't walk so I can't go home. I'll be here.

Me: Well... I'm glad if you are here and meet my husband then. I'm glad for me but I'm sad for you if you can't go home soon. Mr. D, do you want to go back to your country, Jamaica?

Mr. D: Oh yeah!!! (He literally shouted, it's rare for him to make a loud voice!)

Me: Really?

Mr. D: But I won't go back to my country any more. I can't walk.

Me: But you might be able to even visit your country some day, even for a short time.

Mr. D: No. I'm in a wheel chair. I can't be there. If you are in a wheel chair, can't walk, you can't be there, in my country, no.

Me: Oh, Mr. D, I'm sorry for you (suddenly tears comes to my eyes). It's so sad. I'm sad for you. You want to go back to your country badly but you know you won't.

Mr. D: I accept it. I don't want to accept it but I have to accept it. But I'll never give up. I'll do the therapy and try and try. I won't give up.

Me: I like your attitude, D. Your positive attitude. And your broad mind. As I look at you, I think, then, maybe, I shouldn't give up anything I want to do either, right?

Mr. D: No, you shouldn't. Never give up. You shouldn't.

Me: No, never! Until we die, right?

Mr. D: When you die.... you are forgiven. (His words reached to the bottom of my heart . I was moved)

Me: Yes, when we die, we are forgiven. But until we die we should never give up. Thank you, D, I got energized by you. I'll see you next week!




We shouldn't give up anything until we die. Then when we die, we are forgiven. Thank you, Mr. D.