what am I doing?

When I introduce myself to someone , maybe a Japanese woman, the typical conversation goes like this:
"What do you do here?"
"I'm working as a volunteer at a nursing home."
"Oh, you must be rich enough to do that, or you must have much spare time to do that. And I'm sure your husband are such a nice person. He must endure a inconvenient life without you."

Then might go on like this:
"Why are you here, in the US? If you want to help the elderly, you can do it in Japan. In your country. There must be a lot of Japanese elderly people who need help. Why do you need to be here as a volunteer to help the elderly? You are spending money every day, the money your husband has earned. You are a housewife. It's too fancy for you to do such a thing."



I agree with them for some ways. And I become speechless. "That's right. And I'm lucky to able to do this." I have no choice but to say this.

I try to do my best every day. But is it meaningful? I mean what I'm doing is meaningful? To who? To me? To people at the nursing home? I hope so. But I don't know. I'm not a medical specialist. I just love to talk with people. I happened to learn English. I happened to meet English language so I thought it would be meaningful to try to help people in an English speaking place. To me? If it'd be meaningful just to me. I must be selfish at all. I don't earn any money. Am I going to get a good job after this? I don't know. My purpose of being here is not to get a new job after this. What the purpose of being here for me? I don't know.

I read a book, "Jeremy Fink and the meaning of Life" by Wendy Mass. The story is about a boy, named Jeremy, who is going to be thirteen years old this summer. Jeremy's father died when he was eight. One day, a box was delivered to him. It was a box from his father. On the surface of the box, engraved words says, "THE MEANING OF LIFE: FOR JEREMY FINK TO OPEN ON HIS 13TH BIRTHDAY". To open it, 4 different keys are needed. But the keys were missing! Then Jeremy's journy to persue the meaning of life starts.

As I was reading it, it made me think a lot. I hope I feel my life here be meaningful after a year of experience. Not only to me, but hopefully, to someone else. No, it'd be OK if it's meaningful just to me. At least. Or if it doesn't seem meaningful, I think it's still OK. Because it might be turning to be meaningful when I find new meaning of this experience in the future. No?

What am I doing here? Apart from my family, spending our precious money everyday..... Is this experience nuturing me somehow? I hope so. I don't know.

I said, I try to do my best everyday. Is that true? Am I doing my best everyday? Maybe not. Or maybe.
Today, I got some negative comments about my current life here that sounded I'm selfish to do this. They nice people. They didn't mean to down me. Just said their honest impression. They were nice. So....?

I hope I can find the answer after finishing this experience.
I think I'd better to go to bed now. Tomorrow is another day.
Good night!