Two concerts finished!

The C4 concert went beautifully. It was not perfect, of course. But I enjoyed the time a lot. When I started to join the choir, I just thought I never could have done that. All people were better than me.... and...... But as I continue to join them, I got more comfortable being there, singing with them, because people are nice and caring all the time. I often got lost during the rehearsal where to start or what the conductor said. They helped me a lot. And I could be there in the concert. Ten of my friends came over to listen to us despite the extremely cold weather!!

The next concert will be in February. I look forward to meet new pieces next month and tackling with them with my loved colleagues!!!



Another concert was held at St. Paul Chapel, Columbia University, last night. It was a lovely place to perform. We had a very warm audience. I think our performance went very well, I should say the performance we had ever made!!


The program was all Heinlich schutz. I didn't know the composer when we started our rehearsal in September. OK, I will tell you from the start. I met Ray at the Smith workshop this summer. After a while he got in touch with me and encouraged me to join the choir. This choir is run by the university so the members consist of mostly the students, undergraduates and graduates. Only 4-5 among 26 singers are from outside. I had an audition at the beginning of September. I met the conductor, Amber, for the first time and loved her right away. I was told I was accepted as a member on the spot. I was delighted to hear it.


We had rehearsals two times a week, Mondays and Wednesdays. I thought it would be too much, but it actually wasn't. The pieces were tough and we needed a certain amount of time to get used it. I didn't know anyone except Ray at first. As I spent more time there, I got to know more people and people knew me also.

At the concert yesterday, as I was singing, I felt like they, especially my alto colleagues, were like my daughters or younger sisters. We hugged them before the performance and after that. One of the singers told me that I made them together. What a wonderful comment she gave me! I love choral singing. We have to be united as a choir, so not only we need musical skills but also we need communication skills and need to care what other people are doing. We are not alone. We are together. I love that kind of feeling.

Sometimes, being with somebody makes you tired, I have to admit. However, when you spend too much time being alone, you would definitely feel you miss warm and close relationship with somebody. As I live here by myself, singing among two choirs and meeting same people regularly makes me feel at home somehow.


Many of the singers invited their family there. I had no family to invite here. But I was delighted to see the faces of my precious friends in the audience. Seven people from the Friday night singing group were there, Lisa and Jonathan were there, my neighbor was there.....!!! I felt as if they were my family. I didn't feel lonely. I just thanked them again and again in my mind. I'm so lucky to have those wonderful people around me here and there.


I have many places where I feel at home, at my nursing home, at church, at Friday night group, at choirs' rehearsals, and one more place would be my closest friend, Lisa's place! Now I'm at her place and using her computer! We are driving all the way to Philadelphia tomorrow morning to visit her sister. Now Lisa is making delicious pies. I very much look forward to seeing new people tomorrow and also having my first and possibly the only Thanksgiving day experience.

Brazen Guns and Gentle Doves

The theme of tonight's concert is "Brazen Guns and Gentle Doves" . The theme of my another concert next Tuesday is "War and Peace". Coincidentally, they are almost the same.

I really like the theme. Although I can't do anything special to bring peace to the world, I really want peace to prevail all over.

I'm not good at the scene where people argue each other. I remember one time, more than ten years ago, when I was with my choir's colleagues at a cafe after the rehearsal, two people at my table started to argue about a subtle thing, but it was getting serious and they finally started to shout each other. Next thing I knew was that I found myself crying although I was not the people who were arguing. I felt so sad to see them arguing because I loved them. The people I loved were arguing each other, which was the saddest thing to see at that time.

Peace means a lot. Peace in the world, peace in your nation, peace in your city, peace in your school, peace in your workplace, peace in your community, even peace in your house. If parents argue each other every day, it hurts the kids a lot.


I don't know what I'm trying to say here....! I love peace in any situation. I don't like people argue each other though I love having discussion about anything. I really hate people killing each other over things which we can solve by talk.


I'll sing tonight those of my wishes in my mind.

yellow ribbons

Among the pieces we sing tonight, there is a song titled "Yellow is the Color of Ribbons" composed by one of our members, Karen Siegel. On Thursday night, when we had a dress rehearsal, the conductor, Phillip, told us to imagine anyone who passed away as we sing it. I want to tribute this song to Ms. James, a resident of my nursing home, who passed away this Tuesday.

She had been such a caring person. I remember the time Ieva and I visited her to the hospital when she had a diarrhea and was hospitalized. She seemed so weak, her voice was so small. When we talked to her, the first thing she asked us was how was everyone at the nursing home. She didn't complain her situation at all but worried about everyone else even when she herself was weak and had a hard time. I was so impressed with her caring attitude and loved her a lot. She was an angel God sent to us.

On Monday, I had my music class at the Home. After that Ieva told me that she was not doing well and might be dying before very long. I was shocked to hear that and felt so sad. We tried to reach her pastor, her close friend to let them know the situation. She asked her friend to bring her bags in which she put her important things. Ieva and I entered her room and tried to find the bags but couldn't find them. I had a sad feeling as I was doing it. The bed was empty and we were not sure if she could come back here again.

Then on Thursday, I went to the Home to help the chapel service and was told she had passed away on Tuesday, the next day we entered her room......

You had been so warm, kind, caring to everyone. You were loved and will be loved forever, Ms. James. Thank you very much being with us, with me, in your last days at the nursing home. We will never forget you.

performance day!

It's a performance day today for the C4 choir. I'm so excited about it also a little bit nervous to be honest. It's freezing today so some of our members expect low turn out. But it doesn't matter. I believe we have warmhearted audience and they will receive our music gift, which we try to polish until the last minute.


On a performance day, I always have a certain feeling. Tonight I have to say good-bye to the pieces we sing. The performance time means the last time we sing the songs. When I first saw the pieces, I had no idea what they were, like a map of a place where I had never been, or a photo of whom I had never met, or a view which I had never seen before. But now, it's different! I know the street, how to get there, the view, the people, I can feel it, smell it, taste it, and relate to it. My love toward each piece has grown more and more. So today means my farewell to the pieces. I will say good bye to them as I give them to the audience as my special gift. To make my gift best, I have to do my best and most importantly, enjoy the time with my colleagues as well as the audience.

I can't wait the special time tonight. It's going to be great. I'm sure!

Hello diary, long time no see...!

I haven't written about my life for a while. I've been fine but just having no time or no energy or too many things to want to write...... !


There was a fund-raising dinner dance party by my nursing home last week. I enjoyed it very much although I am not good at party scenes. I met several people whom I had first met on my second day at the nursing home. They were visiting us to bring donated clothes by church people. I had lunch with them. I remember the day very well because I was new at that time and was nervous and insecure. I was very glad to meet them again and was able to talk to them my joyful stories at the nursing home since I met them last time. It's been more than 6 months. I just realized how many stories I have to tell them! They are planning to visit us again next spring. They said they would try to make it before my going back to Japan. If it comes true, that'd be great!


My next place to live have been decided. My friend, Lisa, let me stay in her apartment again! I'm so excited to live with her again. Since I left her place, I missed the conversation we used to have every day. I feel very very thankful to her and very glad to be back in Park Slope, close to my church friends! I'll be moving out in the middle of Dec.


I had my music class (activity) at the nursing home yesterday. It was the third time. We sang the "Love's Old Sweet Song". Pastor Ieva helped me and it went quite well. Actually it was went interestingly well. At the warm-up time, I told them to roll their shouler and their neck..... most of them couldn't do that well. Some of them couldn't move their body, others couldn't understand my instruction, another couldn't hear me at all. It was somehow disfunctional, but still I enjoyed it very much. I have to think about simpler explanation or simpler way. Having microphone around, I asked people to say their name and their favorite flower. One woman just started to sing a hymn. She might have thought it was a chapel service since Pastor and I were around. Right, it's always at church when we are around. She went on till third verses and I enjoyed her singing a lot. After that I told everyone "now you can tell she is a great singer!" Everybody agreed with me. Communicating, understanding, reponding..... it's always not easy at our place. But somehow, always unexpected things happen and we all enjoy those happenings!



I'll be appearing at two concerts at the end of this month and am getting nervous. Everyday I wake up with insecure feeling like if my voice is OK today or not.... if I forgot everything about music, if I can do it OK tonight rehearsal.... sort of things.

God will take care of you. You are going to be OK, Naoko!
Good night and see you soon!

Walking companions

On Saturday, I walked with leaves and music by my MP3 player. Thank you for walking along with me.

Thank you for your cute performance!

I went to the St. John divine church to attend the concert by Early American New York last Sunday. On my way there, a squirrel greeted me with its cute performance!

not let it bother myself and enjoy every blessing

There are not only fun but sometimes you should have uncomfortable things, maybe being treated badly, not having a person who was supposed to show up, being shouted by someone who gets mad at somebody else not me, being ignoring by somebody even when you greet to him or her, knowing the fact that you might be under fire for somebody's stress buster. I know I need to be strong. I know I need to be accustomed myself to others' culture here. I know I shouldn't let others bother me. But sometimes I can't. I can't deal with my shaky feelings.


I stopped to have lunch at the Home's dining hall from this week for some reasons. I don't want to write the reason but I somehow got tired of something sad. And couldn't get rid of it. And then I thought I want to get rid of it. I know it is a negative solution but I decided to be away from it for a while even though I was enjoying the conversation with the residents there very much. I'll see what I feel after a while, and then I might be going back there some time. I just wanted to get rid of my worry first.


On Thursday, I had another stressful situation. I was tired of myself being too sensitive about the same situation again and again. Naoko, you have to get used to it and stop crying! I said to myself but couldn't manage it well, no, I think I managed it well somehow. We had a good service. John gave us a wonderful speech. The residents contributed beautiful prayers, singing, comments. They departed there saying, thank you, it was good..... I was just feeling so down inside. My eyes got teary several times during the service and I tried to cheer me up and stopped crying.

There was a man, one of the resident who always shouts "Play the piano! She wants to sing, you play the piano! My mother used to play the piano...!!!" or something like that. He seems to like me and always keeps his place next to my piano at the service. He usually doesn't stop shouting until I play the piano so it's getting annoying to others because he doesn't stop even when the pastor preaches or somebody is praying.

Yesterday, I was surprised because he was quiet. He became quiet, I think, since when he saw my tears. He was there saying nothing but looked at me all the time. When I saw him, he would raise his hand, as if saying hi, Naoko, stop crying, I'm here, and I like you, or something like that. I felt his warmness. I saw him in quiet for the first time. I thought he saw through my mind very well. Thank you for your cheering, Mr.

After the service, a woman, my piano student, approached me, and said, "Naoko, I can imagine what's going on with you. Don't be discouraged. You are playing such an important roll here. Everyone loves you here. I'm sure. God will take care of you all the way. I promise, you will be a very very strong woman when you go back to Japan next year, I'm sure. I know it because I was called "crying baby" when I was young. I cried a lot. When I was dispatched to the Virgin Island, I was alone. I didn't know anyone there. One time, my income from the British government was delayed for three months. I didn't have anyone who helped me. I just had macaroni and sugar, that was it! I survived by them. I cried and cried for many other reasons. But I became so strong after that. I still cry sometimes even now but I'm strong now. You'll be strong. Understand?"

While we were talking, one of the volunteer came and joined our conversation. She is the one who taught me many things on my first day at the nursing home. I love her. She is cheerful and helpful all the times. Every time we remember a resident in the service who passed away recently, she would cry with her heart. She noticed my tears and said "Are you all right? You can talk to me if you like. But you know, my mother died last week and I've had a hard time, too." Then she went on her story about her mother's last time and her having to do mom's funeral. I pressed myself against her and we cried together. My sadness seemed so small compared to hers. We shared our sorrows and had a good time.



My rent for the apartment will raise from December and I have to move out. My landlady is in a difficult situation herself. The economic crisis again!!! She needs more money and my rent is not enough for her to keep her life good. I understand her situation. I understand it. But I can't stop worrying about my life.... and tend to get down since the meeting with her. I might get a place to live soon or even I can't get it soon, it's OK for me to look for a place and take time for a while. It'll be a good experience!

My friend gave me a great expression.
"enjoy each blessing one day at a time, aware that it may be gone tomorrow"

Yes, I should enjoy each blessing one day at a time. I love this!

A meeting at the library

I love the atmosphere at the library. Quiet and peaceful, the librarian are helpful and seem enjoying their job. Last Wednesday, before the vocal lesson, I had time so went to the nearby library. It became my ritual.

When I go to the library, mostly I end up at the young-adult section. I love books for young people, especially the ones for youngsters who struggling with their lives by parents' divorce, discrimination, knowing love for the first time, life adventures.... and so on. I also struggled with my own life when I was young by various reasons, not knowing whether or not my father was alive, my mother's changeable boy friends, having to cook and have almost every meal by myself since I was 10, living away from my mom at the age of 1-10, a difficult relationship with my mother since after living with her. I was saved by people around me. But I assume there are lots of young people who need help right now without having anyone to save them. Even if they seem happy even with smile, they may hide their feeling inside because they don't want to make anyone worry about them or they don't want reveal their family problem, they may think it's normal because they don't know the outside world, others' situation. They might want to think of their family normal and then want to be peaceful although it isa false.

One of my dreams is becoming a translator for English young-adult novels. I want to introduce good English novels to Japanese younger people and encourage them, saying they are not alone, there are many many young people in the world who have similar problems as you. You don't have to worry. If you survive now, as time goes by, a bright light would wait for you with open arms, I want to convey the message by translating good novels for them.


Oh, I went off the track!!
When I was looking at the young-adult novel section on Wednesday, a woman in her late 30's started to talk to me, saying, "Hi, you know, I'm not good at reading. But I know I should read. I want to read. But I can't go on reading. I stop reading every time. Is it a section for youth? That's why I'm here. I thought it's easier for me to read on if I choose one of these books here. But I don't know which one is good for me."

I was so surprised to be talked suddenly. She had a Latino accent. And seemed serious. So I said to her, "I understand. I'm learning English, too. My first language is not English so. Do you like young girl's love stories? Or self-development stories? If so, I have a recommendation for you. I'll show you my favorite author." I took her "W" shelf. My favorite author since I came here is Ellen Wittlinger. I've read five books by her and liked all of them. Her book is not so deadly serious, full of happiness and jokes, but always touches deep issues casually. I like her approach. I recommended one of her book "ZigZag" for the woman. I explained the story and she seemed to like it and said " I think I check out this. I'll check out just one book, you know. And want to read it through." I hope she likes it and finishes reading!

After that, I had a weird feeling. I was like a librarian! Although I'm not an English speaking person, I recommended an English book to a woman who was looking for an easy reading book! It that great, isn't it? I felt happy both for me and for her!


The following is the books I've read since I came here:

1. "Jeremy Fink and the Meaning of Life" by Wendy Mass

2. "A Mongo-shaped Space" by Wendy Mass

3. "Olive's Ocean" by Kevin Henkes

4." Musicophilia" by Oliver Sacks

5. "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch　

6. "Freddy Plays Football" by Walter R. Brooks

7. "The NPR Classical Music Companion" by Miles Hoffman

8. "Razzle" by Ellen Wittlinger

9. "Zigzag" by Ellen Wittlinger

10. "A Long Way From Chicago" by Richard Peck

11. "A Year Down Yonder" by Richard Peck

12. "Twisted" by Laurie Halse Anderson

13. "Sandpiper" by Ellen Wittlinger

14. "Soon and very soon" by Sherryle Kiser Jackson

15. "Sold" by Patricia McCormick

16. "Parrotfish" by Ellen Wittlinger

17 . "Hard Love" by Ellen Wittlinger


And now I started to read "The Rules of Survival" by Nancy Werlin. It's about three children who have an evil mother and survives their life by getting a clue from their mother's boyfriend, who later broke up with the mother and became an ex-boyfriend, Murdoch. I'm enjoying the book very much.

Friendships with young people

I've been having a good relationship not only with elderly people but also with young people since I came here over six months ago.


At the Columbia University choir, the Collegium Musicum, I sing with students. Most of them are not music major ones. I've been surprised how talented they are. Unfortunately, since they are busy for various reasons, the attendance is not so good, but we've improved little by little and our concert is less than a month away. I always look forward to seeing them in every rehearsal on Monday and Wednesday.


I started to audit another school's class since last Monday. This is a choral conducting class. There are only six students. I hope I can build a good friendship with them from now on. Last Monday, I was a little bit nervous for my first visit there. There were three student at that time. I was surprised to see that two of them are from Asia, my region, Korea! All of them were friendly and smiled at me. Choral conducting is one of the several things I really wanted to learn for years. I join this class to sing for the conducting by the students. I saw a big improvement in each student after getting the teacher's suggestions. It was amazing! Can't wait to join the next class. I'm very lucky to have this opportunity during my stay here. I don't want miss a class. I have stay well and keep a good condition so that I can contribute my singing to them in a best condition.


Also, I started to have a good friendship with twin boys who live next door to my apartment. Since I moved there, our relationship had been just like greeting each other. The change occurred when one them got injured his arm last month. I heard he had a surgery and felt very sorry for him. So I made a dozen of paper cranes as my wish for his quick recovery. They liked the cranes and another boy asked me to teach how to make it. I made a instruction models, following the several procedural steps. He tried to do it by himself at first, made a good effort, and the time came for me to visit him one night. We fixed the date for Tuesday night since I have no rehearsal that night. We've got together for two times until now. I like the time with them. We not only do the cranes but talk with each other. They told me they are working on their school paper project. I asked what was the main topic. The topic was the budget cutting! Oh, economy crisis is here, too! They told me it mostly affects the art subject, such as concert opportunities, movie going, museum visiting and so forth. Their lunch service may have been affected. I was so sad to hear that. One of them play the piano and sing beautifully, too. At the first meeting night, I was a little bit nervous because the following day was my vocal lesson and I had had a bad result at the previous lesson. I was not confident with my singing at that time. I confessed my feeling to him. He said to me "Naoko, you are an excellent singer, I can tell. I hear your practicing sometimes, and I know." I was very very encouraged by his words. At the next meeting, I told him that the lesson went very well and my teacher gave me a good comment. Then he said, "I told you that you are an excellent singer!" I think we became good friends now and I love them!

A song for this period

I've been working on a trio piece by Schutz, "Rorate coeli desuper"

The lyric goes like this:

"Rorate coeli desuper et nubes pluant justum"
(Drop down dew, ye heavens, from above, and let the clouds rain the just),

"Aperiatur terra et germinet salvatorem"
(Let the earth be opened and send forth a Saviour").

What a suitable piece for today's situation. As I've been singing this again and again, the election day is closer. And now, just three days away. We may see the historical result. Can "He" save the world-wide economic crisis? I am invited to my friend's apartment, where tens of people will gather together and see the result. I feel privileged to be here in such a special time.