music and friendship

I got a lot of loves today.
It was the first day of 5-day course. New small groups organized. This time, my facilitator is Kristina. In our group, there is four women and 3 men. 3 of us are the same member from the weekend course. One woman is a first time participant like me. She is an organist and a church choir leader. I used to do the same things as her so we could related to each other although she is much greater than me!

In the morning, it was difficult. Kristina was so busy and also trusted us as good singers that she left us alone for most of the times. She just gave us several wonderful pieces and let us do our rehearsal by ourselves. I know she prepared a lot for us to choose challenging and beautiful pieces, it must have been a lot of work. What was difficult for me was..... English! I love everyone and I know everyone loves me as a member of the group, but when discussion started I couldn't follow the topic often. I felt useless. I thought I should have asked them to speak slowly, then I tried it once. But it was not only the speed problem, but also I don't know much about music terms in English. I just learned several ones recently like quoter note (四分音符) , half note　(二分音符), first system(一段目), second measure(二小節目),　major second　(長二度？),　E-major (ホ長調), all of which we never learn in Japanese English schools. I tried to follow them, but couldn't. I tried to be positive, then gave up, and became quiet. I know it was not a good attitude. I hated myself to be soooooo weak! You should be tougher! You are an adult! I know! But I couldn't be strong enough.

At lunch time, I was speechless. I picked up some food anyway but couldn't eat and couldn't talk with any people. I thought it was not good for other people, so I just stood up and left the dining hall. At the outside I met my friend, Richard. I just couldn't help myself but started to cry a lot like a baby! I was soooo stupid! It's embarrassing! We sat at the bench and talked to each other. He suggested me to talk to them about my feeling. But I didn't want to bother them because I love all of them..... Eventually Richard said he was going to talk with them even if I opposed him to do that. He did and it turned out to be great. In the afternoon session, everybody tried very hard to get me involved in the discussion. I had a good time. I very much thankful to all of them. Now at the end of the day, as I'm writing this, I feel like this: we are experiencing a special thing, it's worth doing it, not everyone can do such things. It is a great opportunity to sing with such wonderful singers like them. I should be happy!

Tomorrow is going to be another great day, I'm sure!
Good night, everyone!


Naoko